God is God and I am not...

And the pain falls like a curtain
On the things I once called certain
And I have to say the words I fear the most
I just don’t know

And the questions without answers
Come and paralyze the dancer
So I stand here on the stage afraid to move
Afraid to fall, oh, but fall I must
On this truth that my life has been formed from the dust

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God

And the sky begins to thunder
And I’m filled with awe and wonder
‘Til the only burning question that remains
Is who am I

Can I form a single mountain
Take the stars in hand and count them
Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me
He is first and last before all that has been

Beyond all that will pass

Oh, how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge
How unsearchable for to Him and through Him
and from Him are all things

So let us worship before the throne
Of the One who is worthy of worship alone

i don't know...

When everything is wrong
The day has passed and nothing's done
And the whole world seems against me
When I'm rolling in my bed, there's a storm in my head
I'm afraid of sinking in despair.

Teach me, Lord to have faith
In what you're bringing me will
Change my life and bring you glory &

There on the storm I am learning to let go
Of the will that I so long to control
There may I be in your arms eternally
I thank you, Lord, you are the calmer of the storm.

You rebuke the wind and the waves
Once again I find I'm amazed & the power of your will
Cuz I'm a child of little faith
I feel the wind and forget your grace
And you say, "Peace, be still."

There on the storm I am learning to let go
The white wave's high, it's crashing o'er the deck
And I don't know where I go
Where are you Lord, is my ship going down?
The mast is gone so throw the anchor
Should I jump and try to swim to land?

There on the storm, teach me God to understand
Of the Will that I just cannot control
There may I see all you love protecting me
I thank you Lord, you are the calmer of the storm. 

back to the grinding stone...

Well, I am back at good old FU. But I am glad to be back. Although I am going to have to do a lot of work between now and Christmas break, it really is only about 2 and half weeks until I go home! I have never wanted to go home this badly before. Now, don't think that I am homesick or wish that I was not here, but I am really excited to go home. I am excited to see my family and my dog and go to church and see what few friends I have left at home. Really, the vast majority of my good friends are here at Furman. That is something that is so weird to me - I spend 5 and a half years in Colorado and almost 14 in Tennessee, and when I go off to college, it turns out that my best friends are here at Furman. But I do love what friends I still keep in touch with, don't get me wrong.

Oh, good thing, Kristin and I now have a mini Christmas tree in our room. It's so cute and festive! I'll take a picture of it sometime to show you. But as for now, I must go to bed. Tomorrow I head back to the life I have chosen, one of endless reading and writing in pursuit of that degree that I don't even know what I am going to do with once I have it. And I don't even know what major I am going to choose! And I don't know what to do this summer for an internship (that is one project I am working on). I really don't know anything beyond what classes I am going to be taking this winter term. But I am ok. I am trusting that the Lord will reveal His will in His time, which seems to be a lot later than mine!

I read Blue Like Jazz over break - my new favorite book! I highly recommend it, but I do want the reader to bear this in mind - just remember to read it analytically, taking not everything the author says to heart, but being wise and discerning. His message is phenomenal, and one I hope to adopt into my own life, but some of his views, mostly political, are not like mine, so whatever that means to you, but still read it! Ok, so that was worded really poorly, but I don't want to fix it - I think you are smart enough to get my point. Ok, I am really going to bed now. Love to you all!

Hot-lanta!

Thanksgiving break is finally here....and I am in Atlanta with Kristin and her family. We got here Friday night, and we don't have to go back until the Sunday after Thanksgiving, so we have quite a bit of time off. The past two night I have slept 13 and 12 hours. I guess I just need to catch up with myself this break. Unfortunately I do have homework to do, which I think is the meanest thing ever, assigning homework over Thanksgiving break. :( But I am going to try to get it done ASAP so I don't have to think about it any more.

I am really grateful that we have this break. My life started going crazy the past few weeks, and I am so looking forward to just having some time to myself to figure some things out. On Monday Kristin is working at the Gap, so I am probably going to go to Barnes and Noble to do homework and read by myself. Yay! I cannot remember the last time that I was physically alone for a long time. Sure, I feel alone a lot, but never really am. I just have to get some things sorted out in my mind and heart and on paper in pretty much every area of my life. I need to get some things going with what I want to do this summer with a possible internship and decide what sort of things I want to be doing, basically for the rest of my life. That sounds dramatic, but it's true. As I write out what I want to do this summer, I am supposed to be thinking of what sort of things I would like in a future job. Then hopefully I will get the internship I want and then fall in love with the things I do and be completely sure what I am going to do with the rest of my life. Yeah right. That will never happen as I have planned it. But I feel that now I am going to get some direction, whether or not it ends up being directions away from something or towards something, I do not know.

Anyways, I need to go get ready for the day and do some homework. I love you all! Family, I miss you more than I can say! Much love...

good stuff...

Yesterday I was dealing with some heart issues, and this was the reading My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. It was exactly what I needed to hear, so I thought that I would share it with you. I love it when the Lord surprises me with things like this that have always been there, but He prepares my heart to hear them on that exact day.

November 10
"Fellow labourer in the gospel of Christ." 1 Thessalonians 3:2
After sanctification it is difficult to state what your aim in life is, because God has taken you up into His purpose by the Holy Ghost; He is using you now for His purposes throughout the world as He used His Son for the purpose of our salvation. If you seek great things for yourself - God has called me for this and that; you are putting a barrier to God's use of you. As long as you have a personal interest in your own character, or any set ambition, you cannot get through into identification with God's interests. You can only get there by losing for ever any idea of yourself and by letting God take you right out into His purpose for the world, and because your goings are of the Lord, you can never understand your ways.
I have to learn that the aim in life is God's, not mine. God is using me from His great personal standpoint, and all He asks of me is that I trust Him, and never say - Lord, this gives me such heart-ache. To talk in that way makes me a clog. When I stop telling God what I want, He can catch me up for what He wants without let or hindrance. He can crumple me up or exalt me, He can do anything He chooses. He simply asks me to have implicit faith in Himself and in His goodness. Self pity is of the devil, if I go off on that line I cannot be used by God for His purpose in the world. I have "a world within the world" in which I live, and God will never be able to get me outside it because I am afraid of being frost-bitten.