snow snow snow

We have yet another snowstorm, and this one is scheduled for all of today, tomorrow and Saturday. Hooray. I like that the ground and trees and mountains are white, but I am sick of being cold and not going anywhere. But here I sit, at home (I do love home though), wondering if I really will finish the puzzle I started on Christmas Eve. I highly doubt it, but I still won't let Mom put it away. We don't need to eat at that table, we can eat at the other one. :)

The countdown to Italy is soooooo close! Basically, one more Sunday then I have a week to get packed and ready. Ahhhhhhhh!! If anyone has any gread advice about packing for 6 weeks in the middle of winter in Italy, all in one bag less than 50 pounds, I would appreciate it!!! I am really excited!!!

On a sadder note, we watched the movie "World Trade Center" today, and it was good, but I cried and cried. It really made me appreciate my family and the people I love. I was left wondering if I was trapped, knowing my death was pretty much imminent, who would I want to make sure they knew I loved them? Who are the most important people in my life? And I realized that if I really do love them so much, I shouldn't let the holidays or thinking about death be the only times I let them know how much I care. Like James Taylor sang, "shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel." Celine also sang, "don't save it all for Christmas day, find a way to give a little love everyday . . . . . . and saying 'I love you's' always better; seasons, reasons they don't matter, so don't hold back." Both of those songs pretty much sum up the way I have been feeling lately.

So, people I love, I hope you know who you are, I love you all. :) And I'm going to work at showing that more this upcoming year.

Merry Christmas!!!

I hope everyone had a wonderful day with their families, celebrating Christ's birth!

Uncle Tom is here!!!

HOORAY!!!! Uncle Tom was able to make it today!!! The C/S airport was open today, and he was able to keep his flight! So he is here for Christmas!! And this makes everything alright. :)

Countdown to Italy: 17 days

Snow!

Well, we are stuck at home today in a blizzard! It was pretty fun all day, just baking and watching movies, but tonight it took a turn for the worse. Uncle Tom isn't going to be able to come at all for Christmas!!!!!!!!! He can't get into any airport near Colorado Springs before Christmas Day, and he would have to leave the next day. :( This is the first time since before I was born that he won't be with my family for Christmas!!!! I am so sad that he won't be with us! Seriously, this is depressing my family, we are all just sitting around, sad now. Tom, we love you and will miss you and this won't be the same without you! :(

The snow is so bad that both Denver and Colorado Springs airports are closed, the post office closed, and basically everyone is staying home. I would say we have about 10 inches now, though there are 4 foot drifts in front of the garage. I can't wait to shovel the driveway....no, not really. It is currently 20 degrees here, though the weather channel says it feels like 3. This is good for Christmas vacation, but I am glad I no longer have to stay here all winter and walk to the bus stop in freezing weather.

And by the way, I have done nothing productive since I have been home. :)

countdown to Italy: 18 days!

where to begin....

Wow, a lot has happened since my last real post. Let's see....

On December 9, I went to Pi Kapp semi formal with Reilly. It was kind of spur of the moment, but I am really glad that we went! It was really fun and I got to wear my new black dress. :) There were a lot of my friends at the dance, and we all had a great time. Oh, and the previous Wednesday was the last day of class....minor detail. :)














Reilly and I at semi formal!


Then the next evening, Saturday, me and my apartment-mates cooked a big turkey dinner for some other friends. Everyone brought something, so it was a really easy dinner. I am not going to lie, it was delicious and I was really proud of it. But I did come to some realizations. I am soooooo grateful for my friends. I have been so blessed with amazing friends at school, and I love them so much. At random points during the evening, I would just be overwhelmed and on the brink of tears when I would think about how much I love them and how much I am going to miss them when I am in Italy. It was hard to say goodbye when I finally had to, but it's good because I am only going to be there for 6 weeks, and I am going to be having the time of my life! And I have no doubt that everything will still be ok when I get back. And yes, I was struggling with that, however ridiculous it may sound. But not anymore. Ok, maybe sometimes, but not most of the time.

Then we had finals, which weren't too bad for me. I only had a 30 second project for broadcast journalism, a test in religions of the world and a paper in rhetoric. (And I got my grades today, and I am more or less pleased.) I then packed up my room, and whatever I wasn't taking home, I stored in the closets in my apartment and in Will's room. It was kind of sad packing everything up. Thankfully I had some help, so that made it go by a lot faster. Megan is going to live in my room while I am gone, and I am really grateful that I am going to be able to go back to my apartment this spring. My dear apartment-mates, I love you and will miss you!!!!

So after saying goodbye for two months to most of my friends, I headed off to the North Georgia mountains with Chambrell for a couple nights of relaxation and fun at John's lake house. We pretty much just sat around, played games, watched a meteor shower, made a fancy dinner and played on the rope swing. It was really fun and I am really grateful for those friends too! It's hard to believe that I have known those people for over 2 years now! And freshman year seems so long ago....














Everyone (minus Timony) at the lake!

Then after the lake house, I went back to Atlanta with Annie, and stayed at her house for two nights. I got all my Christmas shopping done on Saturday in downtown Decatur! We had sooo much fun together, and our stomach muscles hurt so badly after all the laughing we did. Oh Nanners.... :) Then on Sunday I went to the Trzaskas' house. We ran errands with Kristin's parents, went to dinner and then to mass. Then they took me to the airport. I love them so much, they are definitely like family to me. :)

And now I am home. I did tons of ironing today and also my laundry. But tonight my whole family is going to have dinner together. Hooray!!! I don't think that has happened since Thanksgiving dinner. It's good to be home, and it is supposed to snow 7-10 inches tonight. Perfect. :)

And in 20 days, I am off to Italy!!!!!

i am home! finally.... but i am super tired and need to go to bed. tomorrow i will catch up with everything that has been going on in my life.

countdown to italy: 21 days!!!! (and 2 months to the day of when i get back from italy!)

i love my friends!

Well, I have a good story for this post. :) This Saturday I went shopping with Kristin and Erin, and when we were heading back to campus, Erin told me that she and a couple girls were going to dinner at Flat Rock, and asked if Kristin and I wanted to go with her. I told her yeah and then I called Annie and Merianna to see if they wanted to go too. So we get that all settled, Erin calls the girls and tells them to get a table for 7, and we go to Flat Rock. When we get there, though, Kristin is like, oh I see them. So we walk into the restaurant, Kristin stops at a table, and I look over, and there are a whole bunch of my friends. I was really confused at first, then when they all said "Surprise!!" and I saw the goodbye balloons, I realized that it was a surprise goodbye dinner for me because I am going to Italy during winter term!! I was so so so surprised and so so so happy that my friends thought of it and cared enough to let me know that I will be missed! I have been kind of concerned about not being here at Furman for 3 months, but I obviously have nothing to be worried about - I am loved!!! :) I know that not everyone was there that was invited, and I totally understand that for various reasons they couldn't all come - at least they wanted to be there and told me that they cared! I love my friends so much and am so blessed to be surrounded by people that know me and care about me! Thanks everyone for Saturday night! I am going to miss you all so much - you all had better email me all the time so I don't miss anything important!!!

and of course, the countdown! - 34 days!

deep thoughts...

For EVM I had to write a theological reflection on something that has been significant in my life in the recent past. I decided to write my thoughts on the situation with Pastor Ted, and after writing it all out, I thought it would be nice if I included it on here, so you can all see what lessons I have learned, and hopefully you will benefit from something you read. It is kind of long, so be prepared. And if you have any thoughts on the situation, I would love to hear them.

The biggest thing that I have been forced to theologically reflect on in the recent past has been the situation with Pastor Ted Haggard, the former senior pastor of my home church, New Life Church in Colorado Springs. When the allegations of sexual immorality and drug use were raised a few weeks ago, I cannot express to you the shock and then the denial of these allegations that I felt. Surely not Pastor Ted, who was known for his teachings on "there is no such thing as a secret, you will be found out" and his teachings on how much our individual sins cost those around us, not just us personally. So when it all came out that he really had been a part of a myriad of inappropriate activities, my world was shaken. He was the one person that I would have chosen as a model of not only a Christian living fully for God, but as a model Christian leader. I have realized in the midst of all of this that I put him on a pedestal, that I held him so high in my eyes that when he fell, he fell hard and he fell far. It made me question so much about God and the church and who to trust and what to trust. But my mom really walked me through this process, which really has been a grieving process. Being a part of New Life is like being part of a family, and Pastor Ted was definitely a fatherly figure for the church. He started it and its growth has been stimulated a lot by his work and teachings and eventually reputation, not to discount the incredible blessings of God that allowed our church to grow. So when these deceptions and sins came out, I felt betrayed, as a Christian and as a New Lifer. It made me question all that he taught - how could he stand up there each Sunday and teach that living for God is possible and that you shouldn't do this but you should live in the freedom Christ offers, when he knew that he was involved in these sins that were against everything, EVERYTHING that he taught? The hypocrisy astounded me. As I have been working through this grieving process, I have been in shock, I have cried, I have questioned, I have been angry. And now I feel like I am reaching a point where healing can begin. I am still disappointed and hurt and at times angry, but I have been able to see God's hand in all this. God allowed Ted to have the incredible ministry he had for so long, He graced him until God knew that He had given Ted enough opportunity to repent, and then he had to deal with his sin. Just because Ted failed, doesn't discount all that he taught. If anything, it only further reinforces all that he taught - I bet that he believes now more than ever that there is no such thing as a secret, that your sin will find you out. And I pray that in the next few months and even years Ted will be able to find the freedom that is his in Christ - the very freedom that he taught and counseled people in, even in the midst of his own sin. And still the work done by Christ through Ted isn't invalidated by his sin. And watching how the New Life administration is responding to this upheaveal is extremely encouraging. Being raised in a nondenominational church my whole life, the whole concept of a change in leadership and the church voting over issues and even just a church government is new to me. And I like it. I like that there was a system set up so the church would not only not fall apart without Ted, but we have been given the opportunity to grow, to find our identity outside of him. That is another huge lesson I have learned and I think a lot of New Lifers have learned - New Life and the church is not Ted, it isn't one person. It's a community of believers that are dedicated first and foremost to God, and when one of our leaders falls, we are there to discipline him, but also to forgive him and help him. Going home over Thanksgiving was amazing - I have never been so glad to be at church. It feels so much more like a family now, now that we have had to deal with this heartache and disappointment together. And ultimately, I have learned that God is faithful. He was faithful to reveal Ted and finally allow him to be freed from this secret, He was faithful to the church to have had the leadership have a healthy church government, and He will be faithful to us believers and I trust that He will use Ted as an example of brokenness made whole.

I could talk about this from so many more angles, but I will wrap it up for now.

Countdown until Italy: 39 days!

home!

i am home for a week! it is good to be back, though it is kind of chilly. ok, it's not that cold, but i get cold easily. church this morning was great, i am so grateful to be a new life member. i love Pastor Ross, and i am really impressed with how the church is pulling together in this difficult time and making the steps necessary to find a new senior pastor and make a fresh start. Pastor Ross was so encouraging this morning - reminding us all to take a step back and look at the church as a whole, to not forget who the church is, beyond these difficulties of our particular church. he reminded us to remember who we are as the body of Christ and as individuals - he read from the passage in Ephesians where Paul talks about the love of Christ. it was a powerful reminder of the basics of what it means to be a Christian - and a much needed one. so i am looking forward to this week and resting at home. though i do have to admit, i miss my friends. but this week will be good, then back to wrap up the term, then to the lake house for a Christmas celebration, then Christmas break, then Italy!!!! it's gonna be good. :)

so i bombed my religion test today. i think that's the first time i went into a test feeling completely unprepared and knowing it was totally my fault. wow. so this is how it feels.

it's raining and i am cold.

i am going to take a nap.

(countdown to italy: 61 days)
(countdown to thanksgiving: 11 days)

please pray for pastor ted as these accusations of a gay relationship are circulating. i believe that this is just an attack on him and they are not true, but i don't know what to think about how this is all going to end. please don't doubt him or let these lies shake your resolve, and keep praying!!!!

Tennessee

Well, here I am in Tennessee, sitting in Auntie Brenda's house, organizing the music on her computer. This is the first time I have had the chance to reflect on the past few days. So here is the synopsis of my fall break so far.

Friday afternoon, Brenda came to Furman to pick me up. We left Furman around 3:30, and because we decided to take the Blue Ridge parkway instead of dealing with Ashville traffic, we didn't get here until 8:30. Yes, it took 5 hours to get back, when it should have taken 2-3 hours. On the Blue Ridge parkway, we could only go 20 miles an hour because we were on this mountain and there was this incredibly thick cloud so that we could barely see the road in front of us. Needless to say, by the time we got out of the cloud, out of the boondocks of North Carolina and into civilization back onto I-26, I was ready to cry. But crying would not have helped anything, would it?

Then on Saturday Auntie Brenda, Uncle Jim, Chris and Kelly and their two kids, Tyler and Jake, went to Dollywood for the day. Then we did a little shopping in Pigeon Forge. Wow, talk about reminding me of days gone by. I was dead tired by 10 pm, and I felt like an old woman, even though I was the only not-kid who was under 30. I would start to feel like, yeah, I am catching up in age to Chris and Kelly, then Chris would say something like "I remember when you were born" or even better, "I remember when your parents got married." Well, way to put me in my place and remind me that I am still a 12 year-old in your eyes. Oh well. But it was fun.

On Sunday we went to 9 o'clock service at Celebration Church, where I saw a bunch of the adults from Shekinah that now go to Celebration. I was really happy to see the Hanors and J.R. Jones and Clayton's mom. It was super weird to be at the church and even here in Tennessee and neither Chris nor Clayton were here with me. I mean, that is who I hang out with when I visit, but they aren't here. Then Uncle Jim and I went for a drive in his 1978 Corvette. It is a sweet car, and I felt really cool while we were driving. We drove for a long time and got to talk about a lot, and it was really good. I am so grateful for him being in my life, kind of like an in-between from my dad and Grampy. We drove over Shekinah and went to my dad's parents' grave. I was like, ok, so there's the grave, I don't really know what to do now that I am here. Then when we got back from our drive, I took a nap and then we ate Sunday dinner with Chris and Kelly. Then I spent a few hours with the Hanors at their house, which was so good. I love being at their house, it feels like home to me. MJ and I got to catch up and she showed me lots of pictures of recent events in their life. Then she and David drove me to the Prieto's, where I spent an hour or so. It's so weird that the kids I used to babysit are now in high school. Then Debi picked me up and I spent a few hours with the Porches. Needless to say, when I got back last night, I was pretty tired after visiting all those people.

Today I slept in, spent the morning/early afternoon with Brenda, then Manna and I spent the afternoon together. It was so good to catch up with her. She is so cool, I feel like a nerdy Furman student and she is all into bands and music. But let it be known that I got a nose ring and a tattoo before she did. That has to count for something towards my coolness factor. Now I am back at Brenda's, eating dinner and hanging out with them. I might still get to see Abby Joy, which would be great. Then tomorrow I am going to see Laura Bush. haha, didn't think I would be doing that. Ok, it's dinner time.

sick

Well, I finally got better from my pink eye incident, now I have an ear infection in my left ear. I just cannot seem to get 100% better. I did get a prescription for an antibiotic today, so that should finally cleanse my system of whatever all these germs are. Oh, funny thing, Andrew now has pink eye. I shouldn't think that that is funny, but I do. :) I mean, none of my roommates got it, and he did. Now he gets to wear his glasses for a week, just like I did all last week.

Fall break this weekend!!! I am sooooo ready for this break! Kingsport, here I come! Oh geez, let's hope this goes well.....

Countdown to Italy: 74 days

homecoming weekend

well, this weekend was homecoming weekend. friday night merianna, annie, grace and i went out to dinner then out to the carnival on the mall. dinner was fun, but the carnival was cold and not too fun. heh....but hey, i really enjoyed dinner! then saturday i went to the pi kapp tailgate with whitney, then to the football game. the game was really fun in the beginning, really boring in the middle, then really fun in the end when we tied it up on the last possible play and had to go into overtime. it was super intense and all the fun a football game should be. and the weather was absolutely gorgeous, perfect for the game. my favorite part of the game was when the ref got hit by a ball - he was in the way of a pass and the ball just hit him. it was hilarious! i don't know if the players thought it was funny, but the crowd sure got a kick out of it. then saturday night kristin, erin, sarah and i went out to dinner then to see a movie. we saw "the departed," which i would only recommend if you like violence and bad language. the plot was very good; it had a really good story line, but i have never heard so much foul language in an hour and a half as in that movie. and it was most definately a boy movie - everyone died and nothing was really resolved relationally. to them, a solution was reached by shooting someone in the face. we came up with an alternate ending which made leonardo di caprio happy - too bad it isn't how it really ended. then we had some milkshakes and goofed off until i got tired and went to bed. this morning i had to be at the chapel at 10 for service, then i spent 4 hours, i repeat, 4 hours in the edit room working on my broadcast journalism project. it's pretty good, but i wish i had had more of a variety of shots. oh well, it's done now. now i am stalling and not doing homework....

next weekend is fall break, and i am going up to tennessee for the weekend. it should be good, relaxing i hope. life has proven to be quite stressful as of late, and i need a break. this should be perfect. i am staying with Auntie Brenda and Uncle Jim, yay!!! then only a few more weeks and i get to go home for thanksgiving! then finals then Christmas then Italy!!!! i really need to learn not to live life looking to what's next without making the most of the present. i mean, i am going to be away from all the people i love for 3 months while in italy, so i should make the most of the couple months i have left here and at home.

i also want to say that i love my apartment-mates. seriously, they are amazing. (oh, and grace too, who basically lives over here!) it seems like no matter what is going on, they are here for me, never judging me or telling me what to do, but just understanding and loving me. sure, they are great to give advice when i ask for it, and they always have such good advice. heck, they let me get pink eye all over their shirts when i need to the most. :) i thank God every day for placing me in this apartment with these girls. for real, they always seem to know what to say or do to make my life just that much better. and we all really suck at galavanting. :)

countdown to italy: 77 days

some thoughts i wrote down in rhetoric today....

There are times in life when everything seems stagnant, unmoving. And there are other times when it is all I can do to hold on as life changes, as it flips upside down and I wait for it to right itself once more. It is in these holding on seasons where I tend to learn the biggest life lessons. I've learned that it is never wrong to care, to share life and to learn about another person. But at the same time, I've learned that it is sometimes wise to guard your heart. I've learned more about myself and my capacity to care for another person. I've learned the importance of communication. I've learned that tears can be healing, and in my brokenness I find strength in waiting on the Lord. That true friends don't just come and go, but remain through the trials and the changes. And I've learned that at the end of the day, it will be alright, that I'll be alright. Maybe not today or even tomorrow, but over time my heart will heal and my world will right itself once more.

Sometimes change is good, but hard. But still good in the long run. And though growing pains are not fun, the fact that we are growing at all is worth the pain. God is in control, He holds our hearts and our destinies in the palm of his hand. We can rest assured that even things we cannot control or even understand, He can, and He has only our best interest in mind.

and my roommates are amazing, FYI. :)

Countdown to Italy: 82 days!

family weekend!!

so this past weekend was family weekend! it was so great to have Mom and Deborah here to see my life and apartment and friends! i enjoyed every minute of it. we did fun things like go shopping, go apple-picking, go to an opera, make apple pie and hang out with my friends and their families as well. friday night was super fun, several people came over to my apt and we ate food and talked and laughed. i loved that Mom and Deborah got to meet the people that make my life amazing. my only wish is that Dad and Kaylah could have been here too. :( i got to meet the families of my friends too, well, actually, i think i knew everyone's families except Andrew's. it was great to finally meet them and actually know who they were. and to see them talking to my family was super weird, but cool. when Andrew met Mom and Deborah, it was kind of weird because they are all important people in my life who knew about each other, but didn't know each other. and now they do. of course Mom and Deborah were very excited to see Evan again, and to meet his family. it's so great that he knows them and it was more like a reunion than a new meeting. ok, that didn't really make sense, but i'm going with it. here are a few pics from the weekend!

so tired...

so last night i went to bed around 1, which really isn't that late, not at all. but it has been this continuous going to bed late and getting up early that is catching up with me. and i think i might be getting a cold. ugh, i hope not. but this morning at 6:30, i got a phone call from an unknown caller, and for some reason i picked up. and i am so glad i did because it was necole in australia!!!! it was so cool to talk to her on the phone and know that it was 8:30 wednesday night there. she had already lived wednesday, and i was just about to start it. but anyways, it was such a great surprise to hear from her, despite the early hour. and now it is 11:15 pm and i need to go to bed, but i have to finish up some rhetoric review. then to bed in my clean sheets. :)

Mom and Deborah come tomorrow night!!!!!! I am sooooooooo excited!!!!!! And then we get to spend the weekend together and with my friends' families as well! :) I am pretty pumped. Then the next weekend is homecoming then the next weekend is fall break! October is great. :)

Countdown to Italy: 88 days

Necole

I just want to dedicate this post to my dear friend Necole. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for her friendship - she truly is irreplaceable in my life. Unfortunately, she is currently in Australia and I am in South Carolina, and I honestly don't know the next time I will see her. That's probably the saddest thought I have had in a while. When we met 5 years ago, I never thought that we would end up being such good friends. I can't believe how time has flown by, sometimes I wish we could just stop time and stay in the same place and be able to go to the MILL together and keep making memories like the fair and tattoos. I wish I could go back in time and relive all the great times we have had, I feel like the lyrics of one song:

"Give me one more day before these echoes fade away,
to take a laugh, a smile, a face, a glimpse of yesterday,
as I turn once more to where I've been,
I relive the moments yet again,
give me one more day in which to say I'll remember us this way...
...Though what's ahead I cannot see, the past, the part of who I'll be,
and when I hear it calling me, I'll remember one more day..."

But as much as I love reliving the memories we have together, I am so excited to see where God is going to take both of us. We seem to be going through exactly the same stuff in life, and her words of wisdom and advice are the best encouragement. God is going to use her to do amazing things in the lives of those kids in Australia, and He has already blessed me with her friendship. This may seem really sappy, but I just wanted to record for all time how great she is. :) Necole, I freakin' miss you, you tool!!! Righteous mac and cheese..... ;)

this week is CRAZY!!!!

ok, so i am pretty much going to have the most busy week ever. but Mom and Deborah come on Thursday night and i am sooooooooooo excited!!!! thankfully i think i can get all my reading and work done before then, but if i don't, it won't be the end of the world. and tonight all 4 of us in my apartment all hung out here for the first time, and it was super fun. :) ok, i sound really ditzy in this entry with all those exclamatory words i said. whatever. ok that made it worse. ugh.

i really have nothing more that i would like to share. good night!

countdown to italy: 90 days (as of Monday)

procrastination....

well, i really need to go study for my hinduism test, and i will, but i am going to waste some time typing on here first. i realized tonight, thanks to my financial aid coworker, that this weekend has the potential to be amazing. i have a test tomorrow, which means that i won't have religion homework over the weekend. and i finished my broadcast journalism project this afternoon that is due monday, so no homework for that class. and i don't read for my rhetoric class, so i won't worry about that! so that's like no work unless i want to read some aristotle for rhetoric! or perhaps some about rome for foreign study trip. but that is like nothing!!!! so my dear furman friends, we need to do something fun this weekend because i can. hahaha i am so self-centered, i act like no one else will have work if i don't. well, just don't work all weekend because i will get super bored with nothing to do. actually, i should catch up on my sleep even though that is impossible. maybe i will cook something... i cannot believe this week is already almost over. time is flying by at some sort of warp speed.

family weekend is next weekend! then homecoming! then fall break!!! i love october. :) and all the leaves are going to start changing colors soon! ahhhh....autumn.....

figi water is not better than dannon spring water. fyi....

and i did something this week i have never done before.... and you'll have to ask me if you want to know what...

ok, Krishna and Shiva, here i come...

countdown to italy: 94 days.

and this picture is of "gangsta swizzle" going to the kappa kappa gangsta function last night!

I survived.

I survived the retreat! Barely....

No, not really, it wasn't that bad. But it's over, so I don't care. It definately made me appreicate my friends more, though I did meet a few cool kids that I hung out with. At some point in the near future I will have to have them over for dinner, but not this week. Tonight was the only night this week I will be able to make a real dinner and have people over, which I did. I am so proud of my fettuccini alfredo success tonight. No more mac and paste! :) Though the garlic bread was a bit intense and the broccoli could have been more steamed, I thought it was pretty good, and so did my guests, I think.

This week is going to be super busy for me. Tomorrow I have normal stuff, including EVM and Engage, but I am also going to film Reilly for my Broadcast Journalism class. Then Wednesday is going to be CRAZY!! Just look at this schedule:

9-10: work
10-11: rhetoric
11-12: work
12-1: religion
1-3: broadcast journalism
3-5: EVM orientation group
5-6: religion study group
6-11:30: dinner at Erin's then Kappa Rage

Yeah, I will not stop from 9 AM to 11:30 PM! Oh, the chaos we call college life! I like keeping busy though, it keeps me from getting homesick or lonely. Only 10 days until Mom and Deborah get here!! Yay!!!!!!!!!

Italy countdown: 97 days

friday night

Today is Friday and tonight I have the EVM retreat. I will be back sometime early Saturday afternoon. Wish me luck....

EVM and things I like

EVM is really strange. I am glad that it is a scholarship program so I feel I am getting something out of it other than strange stories. This weekend is the retreat - I really don't want to go, but I must. Perhaps I will return with yet more strange stories. Thankfully I am going to Italy in the winter so I won't have to go to the millions of meetings for EVM I go to now.

And I went to Engage tonight - it's a lot different from last year, specifically the band has changed. And I don't like it as much. But I so glad that I got to go! To be able to be back in a place that I know and where my friends and I can worship God together. Sure, we can do that anywhere, but Engage is a place specifically for praising God together, and I love it. :)

Things I like right now:
- track #4 on Chris Tomlin's new CD
- that I don't have my religion class tomorrow
- talking to my friends about God and faith
- knowing that I can make good banana muffins and garlic bread, sure, they don't make a meal, but they're good in their own individual ways
- that we moved to Colorado and God saved us from the drama that has unfolded and continues to unfold in Tennessee
- my room
- my roommates (old and new) :)
- the fact that I actually finished my papers from summer reading for Italy
- frozen go-gurt
- that Necole is on Facebook now
- that Kaylah got the job she sort-of wanted
- the peace I have felt recently even though nothing about my life or situation has changed

awkward moments...

Today when Kristin and I were running, we talked about awkward moments we had experienced recently. I realized how much I hate awkward moments but how often I experience them. Thankfully I can usually say something to change the subject, but those few seconds of tension before I do are pretty much killer. I am going to do my best to avoid them from now on.

And on a lighter note, please enjoy a little espanol. Let me know if you need help with the translation. :)

"Y amigos son amigos para la eternidad,
Si el Dios es el Dios de ellos
Y un amigo no diria nunca
porque el bienvenido no termina..."

and that's about as far as our translation goes, for now.

Countdown to Italy: 104 days

first love

i used to be the one who would long to hear Your voice
a child who sought to win his Father's heart
but as i carried on, life's got a hold on me
now here i am a son so far from home

tell me when did i lose my first love?
where did the fire and passion go?
burn in me Your holy fire give me back my lost desire
and restore in me the love i felt for You

can i remember how it felt?
when they looked into my face
and they saw the love of Jesus in my eyes
when i looked back on my life
and questioned where i've been
can i really say i've done my best for you?

oh where did i go (ive lost my way)
oh i'm lost and i'm alone
oh help me please
Lord lead me home

Father take me back
let me start again
Lord i've failed and fallen in my pride
lead me back to you (back to you)
where my life began
revive in me the yearning that has died

"First Love" - by Avalon

the weekend begins...

well, Club Manor did not turn out like we had hoped. Annie, Kristin and I tried to go around 11:30, all dressed to impress, and when we got there, there were so many people we had nowhere to park so they made us leave! So we came back to Furman, Kristin patrolled lakeside, and Annie and I sat in her bed eating popcorn and diet coke watching Friends. Then about 12:30, after a few phone calls, we decided to try going again. By the time we got there, the cops had shown up and were shutting the party down! I know that sounds sketchy, but everyone's guess is that some guys from another fraternity had called the cops about noise. They don't give out alcohol at parties, it's always bring your own alcohol. So the drinking was under control, the driving situation was under control, there were just hundreds of people. What's funny is that it was a Pi Kapp party - they aren't crazy at all. The freshmen are going to think that they are these rough partiers who get broken up by the cops. hahaha But then back at the apt, a bunch of people came over and we all hung out in my room - it was quite unexpected but fun. Then Annie and I stayed up way too late.... hehehe So who knows how the rest of the weekend will go - nothing is going the way I envisioned it, though that isn't necessarily bad.

oh, and last night it was made known to me that the Donut Man song "Jesus Showed Us God's Love" is the same tune as the "My Little Pony" song! What a rip off!!! hahaha

Computer status: ALIVE!!!!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am finally typing on my dear little Gateway computer once again! Many thanks go out to Aaron in Colorado for bringing it back to life and providing technical assistance over the phone last night! I am forever in your debt! (He doesn't read this or even know it exists, but at least you all know how grateful I am!)
I am looking forward to this weekend, even though I do have to finally write that last paper for Italy along with the normal homework load. Tomorrow night is Pi Kapp's Club Manor party, and my apartment-mates and I are going to go together! It will be our first all-apartment event! (Well, I am not sure if Lisa is coming, but Annie, Merianna and I are.) And if there are a lot of people at the party, it will be super fun. Also, Saturday is Ben's birthday, and Liz's birthday is this weekend too, I think. A football game on Saturday....sounds like fun, eh? Hopefully I will get some work done in the midst of the extracurricular activities I have planned.

Tonight I successfully cooked my first real dinner here in the apt. I made spaghetti with steamed broccoli and garlic bread. Whitney and Ryan came and ate with me - it was delightful. And tomorrow I need to make banana muffins because we have 2 very overripe bananas. With each successful meal or baking experience, I am more encouraged to keep trying. The mac-and-paste incident set me back a bit; I really didn't want to cook after that. But if I plan better and use recipes, I should be ok. Tomorrow I am going to attempt to make some potato salad for a cook-out in SoHo, so that should be interesting.

Tonight I met some of the freshmen on Gambrell 100, and there were some nice guys in there. It was super weird to go in Timony and Zach's old room and see new freshmen living there. It made me feel old (though I did find out that Reilly, a sophomore, is only 6 days younger than me). But I definately enjoyed wandering around with Evan meeting some of his kids. :) haha I bet they wouldn't want me to call them kids. Oh well, they probably think it's weird that a junior would be walking around on a freshman hall. So I can call them kids if I want to.

You know, my situation in life really hasn't changed at all, but I am trying to look at the positive things in my life and not even think about what stresses me out and depresses me. Today was a good day, and that is all I can ask for. All I need are fresh mercies each morning, and today was definately a fresh start. God is so faithful to grace me, even when I am so unfaithful to ask for or to be open to receive his grace. So once more I go to bed in my new room, praying for peace as I sleep and grace for the new day tomorrow. And to my family and friends, as your individual circumstances come to my mind, I am praying for you too. Somehow praying for other people makes me feel better - though it really doesn't change my situation, at least I feel I am doing something to help the ones I love.

Countdown to Italy: 108 days

i need so much more than this.....

another day

today i am going to be reading Psalm 19 in the church service here at Furman, thanks to my acceptance into the EVM program. i am not going to lie, i am a bit nervous. but it shouldn't be that bad if i practice.

i finished my homework for this weekend, and that makes me very happy. and you know what makes me even happier? knowing that by the middle of next week i will have my computer again!!!!! it will be truly glorious. perhaps that will help me adjust better to living all the way out here in north village.

life is ok right now, i am grateful for long tree-ific talks with friends who will be honest with me, for dance parties on the third floor, the joys of taking ridiculous pictures on Mac computers, cookouts where i don't have to cook, homemade ice cream and High School Musical, and sleeping in way too late. i have this new theory - if i concentrate on the things i enjoy here rather than what stresses me out and makes me worry, then maybe i will enjoy life more. we'll see how it goes.

oh, and please enjoy this amazing picture of me. :)

and classes have started....

....and i am grateful annie is letting me use her computer. :)

well, i already said it, but classes have started. they started on tuesday, but wednesday was the killer day. listen to my wednesday schedule:
9-10 am - work
10-11 am - class
11-12 am- work
12-1 pm - class
1-3 pm - class
3-5 pm - EVM meeting
8 pm - Italy meeting
so i leave my room at quarter til 9, and get back at like quarter to 5. then a meeting at 8, and somewhere in the middle i have dinner and homework. i think i am going to hate wednesdays. but i did get accepted to the Exploration of Vocation and Ministry program, which is run through the chaplains' office and is for students who are discerning whether or not they should go into the ministry. i am not sure that that is what i want to do, but i guess that is why i am in the program. it is a scholarship program too, so that's another reason for me wanting to do it.

last night we had the first meeting about our trip to Italy this winter. it's an interesting group of kids for sure, but i think it will be fun. we got our itinerary, but i forgot it there, so i will have to get another one if i want to talk about it. but it looks so fun!!! but i am not going to lie, i am a bit nervous/scared about the whole thing, i mean, it is totally an unknown for me, and i don't like doing things that i am not sure how they are going to pan out. but i've been doing that a lot lately. hm... anyways, it's going to be fun, but we don't leave until january 7. then back to the states on february 17. those dates are final, no matter what else happens while we are there.

and i am still feeling lost and homesick, which is so weird for being at furman, because that is not how i am supposed to feel or have ever felt at furman. i hope this doesn't last. i mean, i definately have happy moments, but overall it's still kind of like a perpetually bummed mood. like i could cry at any given moment, but don't worry, i don't. oh life....

and now i need to go to the library to print some stuff and then maybe FCA.

computer status: still in surgery

so i am at furman, but i still don't have my computer. i am hoping to have it in a week or so. that would be marvelous. i feel so alone and isolated in the apartments with no connection to the world outside my apartment. and i can't wait to have the kitchen and "sitting area" all set up - it looks so sad right now. and my roommates aren't there whenever i am, but hopefully that will change once classes start tomorrow.

last night i made really good homemade macaroni and cheese, and today i made some for lunch, and it tasted like macaroni and paste. like unsalted popcorn paste. so much for an easy meal. and i can never think of anything to cook, i think i will be eating a lot of cereal and oatmeal as i try to figure out what groceries to buy and how to make a meal every day. this independence thing is harder than i thought it would be. well, so far just the eating part. and i still have to get cleaning supplies for the apt, and merianna and i need to figure out a cleaning schedule.

i am glad to be back, classes start tomorrow, and the weird thing is, i am sort of excited because i have been getting bored being here with nothing to do but just be here. i am so so so so so so glad to see my friends though. but i do miss home some. :/ didn't think that would happen so soon. once i get into a routine, i think this in-between lost feeling will fade. but for now i am just here, thankfully polly is letting me use her computer, other than this, i would just be sleeping/watching tv in annie's room because i don't have a tv.

i feel like life is happening all around me, and i am just stuck in the middle, not knowing where to go or what to think. but, again, i think classes and routine will help with this lost feeling. as time unfolds, hopefully everything else will as well.

friday

today is my last day of work. i can hardly believe it. last night i changed my tickets so now i will be arriving at furman on wednesday the 6th instead of saturday the 9th. i am excited, but now i realize that it's gonna be a while, well, until october, until i see my family again. it's this strange tight, sick feeling in my chest - i hope that leaving on wednesday is the right choice. today i am shipping my boxes, and i will carry on the rest of my stuff on the plane on wednesday. i get SO stressed about packing and moving; it's terrible. like on wednesday i will probably feel sick all day until i get to greenville with all my luggage. and then i will stay concerned until my boxes arrive in the mail. sometimes i wonder if it's worth all this stress of moving and being so far from home, but i think in the end it is. i got my financial aid award notice from furman, and i am so blessed. it is evident to me that i am supposed to be at furman because i couldn't go there without a lot of financial provision, and the Lord continues to provide. i am so grateful. and now i am going to frame my last basement of the summer. i cannot wait for this to be over...

ugh

i need to get more sleep. i wouldn't need sleep if i didn't have to get up for work every morning. and who the heck decided 8 AM was a good time to start?! today we were supposed to start at 8, but scottie had to go get a bunch of supplies, so i am waiting to hear from him now as to when i should head over to the job site. but i was still ready by 8, so now i am super tired and bored, but i can't go back to bed, or i will never wake up again when i have to. thankfully my first class isn't until 10 this fall. that's gonna be nice. :) and now i am talking about nothing because i have nothing to do. actually, now i am going to go see if fresh prince is on tv. then i'll go to work, eventually...

a weird new feeling...

...called missing home. yes, indeed, i think i am going to miss home a little once i get back to school. my family and i have been getting along great recently, and necole and i have been hanging out a lot, and i think i am gonna miss it. don't get me wrong, i am super excited to get back to the other part of my life at Furman, but that doesn't mean i can't miss this part, home. i wish home was closer to Furman, that would make life so much simpler. but this is weird that i am feeling this after missing Furman so much all summer.

life is so complex, i get so confused.

and i highly encourage all of you to watch "take the lead" - it is a great movie!!!

Colorado State Fair

Today Necole and I went to the State Fair, just the two of us. And there were about 3 other people there. Ok, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but there were seriously no people there other than the animal owners and the carnival workers. We got to ride every ride we wanted to with no wait in line, and for however long we wanted. However, Necole turned out to be a bit of a baby when it came to the spinning and or swinging rides. But it was still fun. We saw a lot of pigs, horses, cows, goats, rabbits, ducks, chickens, alpacas, and other various livestock. It smelled really bad. But we got to milk a cow, and that was super gross. The horses were really cool though - some of them were so beautiful! We got to pet some of them and I wasn't that scared. :) But it was good to just be with Necole. I am really going to miss her when we both leave Colorado Springs, but that's not to say that I am not ready to get back to school. I just hope that I get to see her within a year, because otherwise that would just be sad. When I get some pics of the fair, I'll post a few. And now I am tired. So, good night!

today i got a tattoo.

16 days...

There are 16 more days until I leave for Furman. This morning Kaylah moved into her dorm - I didn't get to go help her move in because today was my last day of babysitting!!! I enjoyed being able to spend time with the kids this summer, but I think this break from them will be great for us. I love them and can't wait to see them at Christmas, or whenever I come home next. I am really going to miss Necole. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that we have been friends for over 5 years now, and other times it is hard to believe that that is all - like, I feel like I've known her forever. I couldn't ask for a better friend....and she is going to freaking Australia. I have to get there at some point. That point will be when I have enough money to get there, after Furman and Italy. ...sigh... It could be a while. I'm just going to have to make the most of the time we have left together.

I was washing a dish, and I came out.....

So now I am going to relate the story of last night. Necole and I went to the dollar theater downtown because on Tuesdays, the movies are only 50 cents, and we are cheap. So we watch MI3, which was really good, by the way. Anyways, we were driving home from the theater and at the intersection of Academy and Maizeland, we came to a screeching halt at the yellow light. However, the gray car in the left turn lane right next to us, ran the yellow light that turned red, but instead of turning left from the left turn lane, he swerved over and went straight through the light. There was a white car coming the opposite direction, also in the left turn lane. It must have thought the gray car next to us was also turning left, so the white car thought they could both run the light and turn left (opposite directions). WELL, they crashed! Right in front of Necole and I!! It took like 10 seconds for us to register that they actually hit, but we pretty much freaked out once we realized it!!! I called 911 from my cell phone and reported the accident because we couldn't move because the crash was right in front of us and there were cars around us. I then called Dad, who was working at the fire station, and told him the whole story and how we saw it and everything. So Dad was like, it is your citizen's duty to stay and report it to the police. So Necole and I were eventually able to pull off the road to a gas station, and then we walked over to the curb, tried to get the fire fighters' attention, but to no avail. Once the police got there, we walked over to the cop and told him that we had seen the whole thing. Apparently we were the only witnesses to the accident that stuck around to report it. (Probably because everyone else knew what idiots we would look like just standing on the corner at 10:30 at night.) So we talked to the cops and then filled out witness report forms. Yeah, it was kinda cool, I am not going to lie. :) And Necole and I kept quoting Dane Cook and his one sketch about the car accident - "I was washing a dish....and I came out....I will testify in court that I was washing a dish...." hahahaha It was so funny!!! And then we left the scene of the accident and headed to Necole's house. On the way there we had to get gas, so we stopped at this gas station that apparently was closed, but we thought we could just pay at the pump. Well, the pump would only give us 6 cents worth of gas. It was .021 gallons of gas. hahahaha So we left and found another gas station. It was quite a night of excitement. Although the accident was unfortunate for those involved, it was exciting for us! And we got to fill out legal accident witness reports - pretty sweet, I am not going to lie. Oh Necole, what fun we have together!!

Mexico!

Now I am finally going to take the time to write about our Mexico trip.

Day One - Wednesday
We got there in the afternoon, and it was so freaking hot and humid. The resort was great - we went and ate then checked in, then sat by the pool until we had to get ready for dinner. I actually sunburned a little that day - which made it difficult to tan the rest of the trip. Kaylah, Deborah and I had our own room, and Mom and Dad had their own room. That night was pretty uneventful.

Day Two - Thursday
We pretty much laid by the pool all day. We swam in the ocean too - I have never seen such clear ocean water before - it was amazing. Mom, Deborah and I went sea-kyacking, which was fun but a lot harder than I had anticipated. I also got suckered into playing this game at the pool with Kaylah and Deborah and 5 other ladies. We had to stand on an upside-down kyack, two at a time, in the pool, and try to rock the other person off without touching them. It was really embarrassing to be standing on the kyack in front of the whole pool. But I won and got a free t-shirt, so I guess it's ok. One of the hotel staff members from that game remembered my name the rest of the week. Whenever he would see me, he would be like, "Selah!" and I would be like, "Hola!" It was really cool to hear Spanish everywhere. That night we went to the beach where they were supposed to be having a beach dance party, but it was more like Mexican men trying to sing Neil Diamond and Bob Marley, not exactly dancing music. But it was fun nonetheless.

Day Three - Friday
Again we spent the day at the hotel pool and beach. I went snorkeling, which I didn't really like. I liked the clear water, but I didn't like the taste of the water and I kept forgetting to breathe only through my mouth, and I didn't like knowing all those animals were beneath me. So now I can say I snorkeled, but I don't know if I will do it again. I can't remember anything else significant about that day, it was just relaxing.

Day Four - Saturday
This day we went to a jewelry factory. We thought we were going to get to see them make the jewelry, but they just wanted to sell it to us. It was cool though because once we wanted to leave there, we were told to go stand on the other side of the road and a bus would pull up and take us to town. So we did, and we were just standing on this random road in Mexico with these Mexicans and then got on this bus with the locals and rode to the market. I felt pretty cool to be doing something not touristy, even though we were going to Playa Del Carmen, a tourist hub. So we got to the market, and it was exactly like I thought it would be, except 100 degrees hotter. I am not even kidding you, I have never ever been that hot in my life - it was unbelievable. Mom got a dress and Dad got a hat, and I got some cheap souvenirs and postcards. We saw the beach, then we were like, we are dying, let's go back to the hotel. So the 5 of us rode in 2 taxis back to our hotel. The drivers were CRAZY!!! It was like there were no lanes, and we could just drive into oncoming traffic if he felt like it. I am surprised and grateful that we all made it back to the hotel in one piece. We ate dinner in a really nice restaurant at the hotel that night. That night we tried to watch a show by the hotel staff, but the power went out due to road construction, so we just sat around until they finally cancelled the show. Then we went to bed.

Day Five - Sunday
This day was Mom and Dad's 23rd wedding anniversary. We stayed at the hotel again this day. Every afternoon after lunch, I took a siesta under the shade umbrellas. Ah, I tell you, that is the life. And it was so cool because the waiters would just walk around and ask you if you wanted a drink, and you would be like, yes I would thank you, and they would bring you whatever you wanted. Once I got home, I definately missed my siestas. I think we watched a show by the hotel staff again this night, but I get the nights kind of confused.

Day Six - Monday
My 20th birthday! Today we went on an all-day excursion to see the Mayan ruins, caves, and village. Again, it was unbelievably hot. Where I was sunburned, I got these weird heat blisters that made me peel really badly and now I look like I have leprosy or something. Anyways, the ruins were built in like 600 A.D. The one pyramid was super tall - it was like 120 steps and looked over the jungle. They did human sacrifices on the top of it, which was kind of creepy. It was so weird to think that they killed people up there to appease the pagan gods. It was sad. And then we went to this cave with water in it and stalactites and stalagmites. You could swim in it, but the guide said there were catfish in there, so I opted not to swim. Then we went to the Mayan village, where people still live in little huts and cook over a fire. I did NOT want to just parade through their homes like they were in a zoo or something, but the guide said they got paid for it. But it ended up being pretty cool because I got to talk in Spanish to this woman in the hut, and we talked about her house and kids and her wedding. I was like, this makes all my Spanish classes worth it. And we gave the little village kids apples and they gave us flowers. It was so cool. I wish I could have brought the kids back with me and show them a better life. But they were happy, so I guess they were ok. Then we went back to the hotel and I felt super guilty that we had so much and they had so little, and I couldn't do anything about it. We had dinner in a pretty nice restaurant again, and then we watched a dancing show again. Happy Birthday to me!

Day Seven - Tuesday
Our last full day at the hotel. We hung out at the pool and beach again. My last siesta.... It was fun, but I was ready to come home. We ate at a nice Italian restaurant that night. Deborah, Kaylah, and I watched the movie Patriot Games until we fell asleep.

Day Eight - Wednesday
We left the hotel at 8:30, rode a bus to the airport, stood in line for an hour and a half, then flew home. I finished my summer reading book on the plane, so I guess it was a success. :)

And our vacation is over. Back to reality. I am going to babysit all next week, then work with Dad the next week or so, then pack and head back to Furman! I am so excited, I cannot wait until I get back to school! But I will make the most of my last few weeks here. Last night I went out with Necole and Angela after the MILL. Good times, good times... :) I am grateful for those girls! Well, I am tired of typing, so that's all for now.

off to mexico...

and we are off to mexico for a week! i'll be back on the 16th, so i will talk to you all then! adios!

the wedding planner

i watched the wedding planner tonight. mossimo is so sad and sweet. poor guy got his heart broken. but steve was so perfect for mary. so it's all good. i really shouldn't watch sappy chick flicks late at night, it only makes me lonely. but then in the morning i will be fine again. ahhh....

anyways, wednesday we leave for mexico. and i got some new clothes today that dad bought, so that makes them better. :) and i got my birthday present from my parents tonight, a basket full of kitchen supplies! 2 years ago i would have been beyond disappointed, but now i am excited! now i will never have to buy a kitchen utensil for my apt. yes!!!!

and i freakin' can't wait to go back to furman. i miss it like it is a friend or something. actually, i miss my friends from furman. they're amazing. :) i am so pathetic....hehe

i should go to bed. i waste so much time on this stupid computer. i need to sleep more.

names

my name means: Pause and Consider the Heather of the Woods. isn't that cool?!

i love figuring these out! let me know if you want me to decipher your name for you ;)

this past week

well, this morning Evan left. it was pretty sad. but we had a great week! i am so glad that he came! we drove ALL over Colorado and saw some of the most beautiful parts of this great state. and we had some great talks as we drove hundreds of miles together, and i am not exaggerating. it was so cool to be able to be the one to show him mountains like he had never seen before. yeah, that was cool. he was the first friend from college who has come to visit me, so it was super fun to have someone from Furman to meet my family in our home and be able to see what my family is really like. i hope he wasn't too freaked out by how imperfect we all are. his visit has really helped me be able to handle the thought of another month at home. that sounds bad. but what i mean is that it was good to have a taste of Furman to get me through until i get back to school. a bit more than a month and then the apartment with pannie and lisa and merianna! i am so stoked. here are a few pics from evan's visit. go look at facebook to see more.

Evan comes tomorrow. And we are going to see Rascal Flatts.
:) :) :) :) :) :) This is me smiling all the time. :) :) :) :) :) :)

summer is seeming kind of long.....though i know i will complain when it is over as well. ugh. why can i never just be content with where i am?!

new song

i have a new favorite song. it's by Amos Lee. go to amoslee.com to listen to it. it is so beautiful...

Colors

Yesterday I got lost in the circus
Felling like such a mess
Now I’m down I’m just hanging on the corner
I can’t help but reminisce
When you’re gone all the colors fade
When you’re gone no New Year’s Day parade
You’re gone
Colors seem to fade

Your mama called she said that you’re down stairs crying
Feeling like such a mess
Yeah I hear you you’re in the background bawling
What happened to your sweet summertime dress

I know we all, we all got our faults
We get locked in our vaults and we stay
But when you’re gone all the colors fade
When you’re gone no New Year’s Day parade
You’re gone
Colors seem to fade
Colors seem to fade
Yeah

i am so ready to be done with work, but i know that is impossible. being with kids every day (ok, 2 days a week) is enough to drive anyone crazy, even though i love those kids. i mean, i would do anything for them, but sometimes i just want to make them sit in the corner, completely silent, for oh, 5 minutes. 5 minutes of not entertaining them would be amazing. i am not kidding - if 5 minutes goes by without me doing something super fun with them, they are like, i'm bored. what the heck, go play with your zillion toys?! you're 5, use your imagination - my imagination died years ago! not really, but still. and i get to look forward to working outside on a deck the rest of the week. perfect, its only in the freakin' 90s here. but there is a light at the end of the tunnel - evan comes in a week! i know i won't work then! hahaha ok, enough of my venting about my life that really isn't that bad, i am just tired and hot right now.

....and i miss my friends..... my life has moved on from colorado, but i haven't - this in between time is so weird - my 2 worlds cannot connect, so i just keep jumping from one to the other, and whichever one i am in, i miss the other. how typical of me to be discontent wherever i am. maybe i should do something about that....

i am much more at peace about big things in my life that have been driving me crazy - let's just say that God is amazing and i don't know why i fail to always give him everything! after one night of just giving everything to God (ok, cue the song i really don't like on "who you are"), i feel so much more at peace and free. God is amazing. :) obviously.... :) when he reminds me of how great he is, it makes me wonder how i could not live for him, you know? i probably could have phrased that sentence better, but i am not going to. you get the point.

and it's probably a good thing that this post went from my whining to how great God is. that's how life should be - moving on from focusing on ourselves to focusing on God. how spiritual of me to say that. no, i don't mean to be annoying and too spiritual-sounding, but it's true. ok, i am done.

Michael Buble

Last night was the Michael Buble concert! Don't worry, I will add some pictures later on in my post. It was a great concert. He is a terrific entertainer. Mom, Kaylah, Deborah and I went with one of Kaylah's friends and her mom, and one of Deborah's friends and her mom. So, I was kind of out of the loop the whole night. It was so weird - we got to the concert, and we were sitting there, listening to the opening act, and she was pretty good, and I realized that I felt more alone than I had in a really long time. Everyone around us was either with a bunch of their friends and they were all obsessed with Michael Buble (like Kaylah and her friend) or they were on a date. Seriously, I think I was the only one there who was not with a friend or a date. Let's just say that I had a little pity party for myself. But once the concert started, it didn't matter any more. I love the music, and Michael Buble is a really funny guy. It was a lot of fun. Kaylah caught his sweat towel when she and Bri went up to the front near the stage, so she was pretty much ecstatic. I thought it was gross. And there reaches a point of being a fan that I think borders on too much obsession. I was trying to think of a music star that I would like to have their sweaty towel, or even someone that I would scream and yell and be like those screaming *NSync fans (sorry Kristin...hehe...), and I couldn't think of anyone. I don't think that would be my natural reaction. If I met someone famous that I really liked, I would probably just be really quiet and shy, and not the gushing fan. So that really bothers me when other people are like that. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but I do. So I was kind of annoyed at the end of last night. It was great, don't get me wrong, but from feeling alone to being annoyed, I don't think I would spend $75 to do it again. Anyways, here are some pics from the night - oh, the best thing about the night was I got to wear my new sundress. And I looked super preppy (mostly to bother Kaylah, but also because I liked it :) .....hahaha....)

new

i got a new haircut yesterday. 7 1/2 inches off. yes, it is the new me, which is actually just me back in elementary school. but i like it - way less shampoo and conditioner. :) that's all i really have to say right now.

tonight i watched a video from kristin that was all pics and music from this past year at furman. i probably shouldn't have watched it because it made me miss everyone from furman so much. i have been doing really well at home, being content and working and everything, but tonight i am really missing my friends.....

i love you guys. and i miss you more than i can say...

old friends :)

it is so cool to get a message from an old friend. :) especially when it is completely unexpected! i had a chat with a friend from the past, and i cannot tell you how great it was to reconnect with her! we talked about what we are both doing now, and people we both know. basically, what life is like now that we are in college and not middle school! i hope this means that we are going to keep in touch now....

p.s. i am so glad that we moved from TN. i never thought i would say that, but it is so true. i don't even want to think about what my life would have been like if we had stayed there.

and can i just say that i love my friends so much! i cannot express how grateful i am to have friends that truly know me and i can be completely myself around them. i love talking about life and God and everything with you all!!!

and of course i am grateful for all that God has done for me and in me. and for who he is and is showing himself to be. i get so tired of waiting and i start to lose my trust and i feel so far from him, then he is faithful to remind me of how amazing he is. and how much he loves me. :) but sometimes i do wish that Jesus could be here with me physically, that would make believing so much easier. and how cool would it be to hang out with Jesus? like go driving around town with him?!? :) fun thought, just think about it.... :)

thank you to Scottie for the Genesis albums. i love Phil Collins. :)

let me just say that i freaking love the MILL. tonight's talk was soooo good. thank you Aaron for reminding us all about grace. sometimes we forget how amazing it really is.

In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus

When I am alone
When I am alone
When I am alone, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus

When I am afraid
When I am afraid
When I am afraid, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus

so i pretty much hate that i have to work this summer, but such is life. ahhh...

but this afternoon i am off!!! yay for no work!! tomorrow i start a nannying job that kaylah and i are going to split the rest of the summer. she will do it 3 days, i will do it 2. hopefully that will be a nice break from the construction work.

nothing super exciting in life right now...i cannot wait for michael buble and rascal flatts!!!! :)

Wellington

This morning I am off to Wellington, CO, to see Heather and David in their new house. We will be doing some painting, so that will be fun! I am pretty excited to see them and be their first guest (other than Heather's parents). So I will not be here all weekend - I will see you kids later! I will have the cell, if I get reception up there..... :)

my back hates me. it is screaming, "why must you torture me with construction work?!" tomorrow is day 4, in a row, of construction work, and i think i might die....unless my back gives up first. ugh.

but i am grateful for the opportunity to make money.

and i really miss my Furman people. :(

on Sunday we got lost in the mountains, almost ran out of gas, and i almost peed my pants. seriously, i have never held it for so long. but we had fun. :)

and sadly, Annie is leaving in the morning. we are all going to miss her. :(

and i love this hot weather - it feels like summer. :)

i heart the MILL

song of the night...

There is no one else for me,
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free,
Now I live to bring Him praise.

In the chaos
In confusion,
I know You're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won't delay
This is my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord
Forevermore

sawdust and sweat

Yes, today was filled with sawdust and sweat. It was 96 degrees here, though really low humidity, but still really hot. I love it. The part I don't love was the construction work. However, we didn't work in the basement all day, rather I got to go to a business networking lunch. It was quite interesting. There were some really weird business people there, and I definately decided that I don't want to go into business. Ha. Then we started trimming out a basement. As much as I hate it, I am really good at it. Dad said I was the best one on the job site - haha even better than stinky Mark. Literally, he needs to shower. The next 3 days I am going to be babysitting. We'll see how this goes....little kids....I haven't been around them in forever, soooooo....let's hope I still want to have kids someday when this is all over. haha

update

I just watched the movie Firewall. It was so intense. I thoroughly enjoyed it, even though I figured out who would die in the end.

Good news, no, GREAT news.....Evan is going to come visit me the last week of July! Ok, ok, he is coming to see Colorado and the great Rocky Mountains, but he is going to visit me as well. :) So be excited, I know I am!!!

And I continue to work, which is probably what I like least about my summer. I mean, I like making money, but each day I just breathe in and out, reminding myself that "this too shall pass." Just make the most of my time at work, it will pay off in the end, literally.

More exciting news, today I got dinner plates, smaller salad plates, and bowls for my apartment! They are from Pottery Barn, and were 75% off, so they were like $3 each! I am pretty stoked about them. I know, plates aren't that exciting, but they are the first real dishes that are actually mine. And they are green. :) And they won't get confused as disposable dishes either. Oh, and I got a little table too. I am hoping to get someone artistic to paint a flower on it for me. We'll see how that works out.

Ok, that is all for now. Good night!

scrapbook and trogdor

i finished my scrapbook of last year's photos - finally!! it is so good, i am not going to lie. i will bring it to school next year, do not worry, you Furmanites. :) you will get to see this masterpiece even if you never come to my house.

oh, good news, i found strongbad emails on podcast, so now i can watch trogdor the burninator any time i want to, whether or not i am online. what a relief.... :)

I have spent more time with Kaylah's friends and their families this past week than I ever would have thought possible. Today alone I went to 3 graduation parties for people that I barely know. But it was ok, something to do, I guess. No, I really do like a lot of her friends, but I can only mingle and small-talk so much. And we have 2 more parties tomorrow. Gosh....

I think I am going to go to the Rascal Flatts concert in July. That means I will not only see Michael Buble, but also Rascal Flatts - two of my favorite artists! This could be a great summer. Except for work, obviously... At least work keeps me busy and doesn't allow me to sit around and wonder why I didn't have the plethera of friends in high school like Kaylah does. All I can say is I am beyond grateful for the friends that I have here - I would be miserable without them! I love you guys! And I still miss Furman, though I am enjoying no work.....until I order my textbooks for the summer work I have to do for Italy. Ugh. Oh well, it will be worth it.

Random thought, I am super excited about the apartment next year!!! :)

Kaylah's Grad Party

Kaylah's graduation party was last night. There were a lot of people there, and more cheese cubes and vegetables than you would ever want to see, or could ever need. But it was fun, her friends are great, for the most part. :) I really like a lot of them, they are super funny and super sweet. Of course I will pick favorites, but I don't tell them, that would just be too mean. :) It was kind of weird to be at Kaylah's graduation party, because it was very similar to mine. I feel like I just graduated, and now Kaylah is done with high school too. And I am halfway done with college!!! Ahhhh!!!! I am still not over this yet...

This afternoon is her actual graduation, and there will be a lot of tears. Her class is really close, and they have all grown up together. I didn't cry AT ALL at my graduation, so it is going to be a totally different experience. My public high school graduation at the Air Force Academy was very impersonal, and Kaylah's grad is in her high school gym - a lot more personal. I think it will be fun. I'll put up a family picture from this afternoon after we take them.

Ok, I need to go get ready for the day...hehe and it is already noon. I love days off. :)

I feel like a 50 year-old woman.

The title says it all. Today I worked for 11 straight hours. I am dead. My back is killing me and my nose is sunburnt. Today I was supposed to be in charge of the job site, when in actuality, this new kid Mark decided that because he was 24 and a painter, he would be in charge once I organized everything and got everyone to the job site with all the supplies and the plan. Granted, I didn't know exactly how we were going to go about painting the outside of a house that was over 30 feet in the air, and I definately was not going to be climbing the 32-foot ladders. So after I painted the trim and helped Mark and Scottie get all set up, I basically stood around staring up at them as they painted. Yes, I did real work, I cut the boards and I also got them all the supplies they needed as they needed them. I was also the brains of the operation - Dad told me the directions, so without me, they would have had no idea what to do. But I was so fed up with Mark and his tobacco-spitting, odorous, cocky self that by the time Scottie finally cracked and made us all go home (7:30), I was ready to strangle Mark. If you want more details on my ridiculous and over-worked day, just let me know. I have some funny stories that I am too tired to type. Thankfully I don't have to work construction again until Tuesday, and Kaylah's party is tomorrow night, then her grad on Friday night, and then various grad parties over the weekend. And Uncle Tom is here!!! And Annie-Deborah, which is super weird, because she has never been to Colorado and I haven't seen her in over a year. (She is Kaylah's friend from Tennessee that is here for 2 weeks for Kaylah's grad.) Ok, that is all for comments on my life tonight.

and the work begins...

today was my second day of work. yes, construction work. can i please just say how much i don't like that type of work, even though i like the people i work with?! thankfully nathan is working with us now, so he provides a little more entertainment. and he is one of my good friends, so that provides someone to talk to while working as well. i just keep telling myself, selah, you are doing this so you can go to italy in january. this is all for italy (and so i can survive in my apt next fall). that is what gets me through the long day of manual labor.

tomorrow i am going to be in charge on the job site. dad is going to be at the fire department, and he put me in charge of a new job that we are starting. i don't know why, i really don't know what i am doing. ok, so maybe i know a little bit about it, but still, that is a huge responsibility, especially when i am going to be working with my best friend's dad and my friend nathan. i sure hope i don't screw everything up. don't worry, i will let you know how it all goes. :)

tonight my uncle and my sister's friend from tennessee are flying in for my sister's graduation on friday. i am excited about seeing my uncle, but i wonder how things will go over the next 2 weeks that kaylah's friend is going to be here! hopefully our bathroom-sharing won't be too much of an issue!! haha

this weekend is going to be full of graduation parties for my sister's friends - luckily i like most of them, so it will be fun. and even more luckily, most of them like me, and invite me to come along, even if kaylah doesn't! haha kaylah's grad party is thursday night, and her actual graduation is friday night. it will be weird to go to a graduation - i haven't been to one since my own. then back to the grinding stone with more work. all summer. i sure hope that some people can come visit me this summer!!! but i am glad to be at home - at school i really feel disconnected from my family and my friends here. and oh how i love the mountains....i forget how much i love them until i come back and see them again. it is so different here than at school - let's just say that south carolina and colorado don't have much in common!!! hehe

that's all for now! i miss you furman!!!

Sunday at home

I love Sundays at home. I went to church this morning....oh how I love New Life. :) And I hung out with Necole and Missy. We decided on Friday night after the Mill that we would try out the Mill Sunday school because Rob Brendle was going to be speaking. So we go this morning, and I am not kidding, there were 13 people there, including us. For a college ministry that boasts of 1000 people, it was pathetic. And Rob Brendle wasn't speaking. So we left and went to the main service, but we had already missed the worship part, so we stayed for the worship part of the second service. And I got to take care of this little boy named Trey while his mom sang in choir! He is just over a year old and absolutely adorable.....and he fell asleep on my shoulder. :) Times like these I really like little kids, but other times, they really smell bad and are obnoxious. Anyways, it was fun.

Yesterday we worked in the yard for a while, then I went with Kaylah to her friend Kate's senior piano recital. It was really good, but REALLY long. Then my family went to a wedding at 5. Josh and Jaime got married (I don't even know Josh, and I sort of know Jaime). She graduated from Kaylah's high school in 2004. I swear, there are so many people my age who are married or getting married. But it was the first wedding that I have been to a while that I was like, ok, this isn't too weird that they are getting married. Then it was weird that I thought that. And I figured out that I am the exact same age as my mom was when she got married!!!! Ahhhh!!! I cannot even imagine getting married right now! Especially since I am not even dating anyone....hehe yeah, that would make a huge difference.

Today I am home, maybe going out with Necole, maybe not. I am still working on my scrapbook of last year's pictures, so that is fun for me. I just turn on the TV, and sit and work on my scrapbook, and don't even have any idea what is on the TV, but I like the background noise. So yeah, that is today. And tomorrow I start working with my dad. Woo hoo. No. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is all for Italy. Italy, Italy, Italy.....

I am enjoying home, but I miss you Furman people....more than you know!!!

the mill

I went to The Mill tonight! It is like Engage, for those of you who go to good ol' FU. And I got to hang out with Necole again. ahhhh.... I have missed all of our dumb little jokes that no one understands. :)

Last night I hung out with Heather and David - so fun - I love being with them. I think they may be one of my favorite couples. :)

still missing the Furman friends....much love to you all!

so i hung out with NECOLE today!!!!!! YAY!!!! i was so excited to finally see her again!!! although it wasn't like we hadn't talked or anything, so it wasn't as climactic as either of us had anticipated. and we went to _tag. yes, i am a junior in college and went to my high school youth group. it is HUGE now. at least 500 kids, and it was like a concert more than it has ever been. but whatever, i was with necole and angela, so it was fun. and there was a terrible lightning storm when we were driving back to my house - really scary but cool. i am glad to be home, to see my family and sleep in my own bed, but i am not going to lie, i already miss my furman friends. so many things happened today that made me think of various people, but it didn't make me sad, rather, it made me smile to think of such great friends. :)

so, good night dear friends, i love you and miss you all so much.... :)

I AM HOME!!!!

I am finally home! It has been a long, hard day. But I am home, and I get to sleep all day tomorrow if I want to.

However, the reality of all the goodbyes and everything hit me once I got off the plane in Colorado Springs, and finally the tears came. I feel bad for Kaylah because she got to see me bawling. But I will be ok. :)

Ahhh......my house....

so the storage unit people forgot to unlock our unit for us. boo. now we can't load anything into it until the morning. but we will have the cars loaded and be there by 9 am. i can't wait to have it all done!!!

i hate goodbyes.

I AM FINISHED!!!!

I just finished my last exam of my sophomore year of college!!!! I can hardly believe it!!!

And tomorrow.....
....tomorrow I go home!!!!

All that stands between me and home is putting all my stuff in a storage unit, one more sleep, then a plane ride!!! Yay!!! (all really un-fun things!) .....but..... Yay!!!!! :)

I have finished HES!!!!! Yesssssssss!!!!!!

Only one more exam today at 2:30 and I will officially be a junior in college!

And I am going home tomorrow!!!! :)

1 day....

study study study

yeah, i am studying. but of course not all day. :) i will be ready for my two exams tomorrow, though, no worries.

my room is pretty much packed except for what i need in the next 2 days. it is really sad looking. i am excited about going home - with the room not looking like my room, it will be easier to leave. i am starting, well, i am well into being sad about saying goodbye. summer is going to be good, no doubt, but i am so going to miss my furman friends. aahh!! i can't think this way yet - i have work to do before i can get all sentimental!

ok, off to study HES with pannie!!! this class with "tim" is almost over!!

goodbyes

goodbyes are really tough, especially the important ones.

i have a lot of goodbyes coming up. i hate goodbyes.

3 days....

aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

i am going crazy!!!! my room is a disaster zone!!! this whole packing thing isn't going as well as i would have hoped. :( i just sit in the mess not knowing where to start. grrrr....

plus it is super depressing with all the stuff off of the walls - so bare and ugly.

i cannot wait for this mess to be over!!!!

aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

4 days

i have officially finished church history. after one giant essay exam, i am done. now all i have left are 2 exams on monday, then home on tuesday!!! tonight kristin and i started packing up our room. big mistake. it is a mess and is really depressingly bare. i am going to miss chiles 314 and my fabulous roommate. :(

tonight we went out to dinner downtown, probably for the last time this year. it was a lot of fun, really, it was great. if it ends up being the last night we all go out together, it would be a good last night. :) i'm really gonna miss these kids.


4 days...

today is study day. therefore, i should study. i will, for a while. it is beautiful outside, so i am excited about going to sit in the sun to study. :)

last night chiles 300 went out to flat rock for dinner with our hall funds - i love good food and good friends! one thing about eating out - it makes you really realize how terrible the DH is. ugh.

i am going to miss furman this summer. i know that i will cry when i have to say goodbye to my friends, i just want to warn everyone ahead of time.

i really need to start packing too. it will be weird - once this room is all packed up, i will never see it again. that sounds like it would be an obvious thing, but this time last year, kristin and i knew that we would be living together this year and our room would look the same, and it does. but once this year is over, we won't live together anymore, and we won't be in "our" room on chiles 300. yeah, again, i will probably cry. ok, i need to go study. i hate finals.

5 days....

american idol

taylor won. i hate america. i voted for katharine, and stupid taylor won. why did i watch this show for 2 months to end up with this? ugh.

tomorrow is study day, woo hoo.

5 days until home.

CLASSES ARE OVER!!!

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I have attended the last class of my sophomore year in college. All that stands between me and a summer of freedom (and work) are 3 finals. Oh yes, the end is in sight!!!

P.S. I am still freaking out that college is basically half over!!!

i am afraid.

i am afraid. afraid for katharine. i will definately vote in the next 4 hours, but unfortunately taylor seemed to get the best crowd response, though he was hideously ugly in that purple velour jacket with the out of control dance moves, again. i am afraid that this season may have a disappointing end. i mean, seeing as neither mandisa nor elliot will win, i guess it is disappointing already.

a new day has come

"a new day has come...." sing it celine! :) nothing has really changed except my attitude, which makes everything better.

well, the paper went well this afternoon. i wrote about 8 1/2 pages in 4 hours, so i would consider that very productive. only a page and half tomorrow afternoon, and i will be done!! except for finals....but yeah, i actually did work in the library, so that is a step in the right direction. :) oh, and i gave my last speech today, even though i was supposed to go tomorrow. one of the speakers wasn't there, and i was ready because i knew that i would have to write this paper today and i wouldn't be able to write the speech tonight too. so i looked like a super overachiever because i was ready a day early, but it went really well and i am glad to be done with speeches!!! i actually kind of like being prepared ahead of time, i was definately less stressed. haha, i guess that's what mom's been telling me all these years about the benefits of not procrastinating. :) even though this class is over, dr. letteri and i will still be seeing a lot of each other - i am taking his rhetoric class in the fall and he is my communications advisor. yippee.

today i got a card and a bookmark from uncle tom. yay!! i love getting mail, especially happy, encouraging mail from my uncle. thanks uncle tom!! i can't wait to see you in a couple weeks!! :)

tonight is american idol - i will update after the show so you can all hear my expert opinion, though i can already guess what i will think - yeah, i hate taylor, so i guess that means i will vote for katharine. more on that later....

i cannot believe that i only have one more week at school until the summer!!! tomorrow is the last day of classes, then study day, then finals. in one week i will be halfway done with college. what the heck?! since when am i old enough to be almost 20 and halfway done with college? ok, dumb question, but still. all of a sudden today i realized how much i am going to miss my friends this summer. i am so ready for a break from school and stress, but i love my friends and am going to miss them terribly! thank God for cell phones and the AIM! i know, i am such a nerd. :) ok, this entry has grown longer than i had originally planned. more on AI later...