i love banana pudding

it's true. i love banana pudding. tonight i went with fca leadership to one of our sponsors' (or whatever he is, i don't really know what his job is) house for a cookout.

let me just say, i think he has the exact life that i want. their house was adorable - the kitchen was spring green. perfect. and they had four of the cutest kids ever. and he works for the church, and i think she stays home. doesn't that sound like exactly how i will end up? i mean, everything else that i plan or think will happen obviously doesn't, but i would love it if that was my life someday. here it is: happily married, 4 kids, cute house and have college kids come over to the house. i love it.

ok, that is definately WAY down the road, because i could not even picture myself dating anyone, seriously or not, right now, let alone get married and have kids. i am glad that i have time and things to look forward to. i am going to make the most of these years of freedom that i have now.

ok, that's enough.

MY COMPUTER IS ALIVE!!!!

My computer is alive!!!!! Thanks to a new hard drive (thanks Mom and Dad!) and to David, who installed the new drive and everything else that makes this work! I am eternally grateful! And I forgot how fast a computer is supposed to be - I guess I was just so used to it being slow and then dying....and then being totally dead. So yeah, I am super excited. :)

And it is the weekend....finally....although I have no plans for this weekend, it will be good. And I really don't have much homework, so I don't know what I am going to do. I know - be on my computer. :)

another beautiful day :)

today is beautiful, just like yesterday was. :) and that makes me happy.

yesterday i actually went to the library and did work for hours on end - not something of which i try to make a habit. :) actually, all the work i did in there could have been done on my computer had it not been broken. but good news with that too! last night i ordered a new hard drive online, so in a week or so i should be up and running with my computer! david is going to install the new hard drive and whatever software i need, for which i am eternally grateful. i cannot wait to have my lifeline back!!!

tonight is american idol, a highlight of my week. i hope tonight is a good night - sometimes it really isn't - some of the themes are pretty lame. but i still watch it and talk about it anyways. :) more comments on that after tonight.

so busy....

ok, so life isn't as traumatic as i make it out to be. yeah, there are definately things that are stressing me out, but there are also the little things that help me wade through the tough times. i will make a list just to remind myself and you, the reader, of how blessed i am - sometimes i just need a little reminder.

- Jesus loves me and saves me
- Furman is the most beautiful place in the spring
- the Lord is providing for me to be at Furman
- I got into the Italy foreign study trip for next winter :) :) :) :)
- my friends are always there for me
- my family is always there for me
- I talked to Necole for a long time today :)
- 5 weeks until I go home
- even though my computer is dead, I can go to the library to get online
- my life isn't over, even though I can't be on AIM all the time :)
- my apartment situation for next year is secure and complete
- I have decided on my major(s) (religion and communication studies)
- 5 weeks until I go home (yes, I know, I really like this one)
- my friends really are amazing (I really like having a few close friends that really know me rather than a zillion aquaintances, and God has blessed me with several close friends. you know who you are.) :)
- God has granted me breath for this day

i really am ok today. last night was just tough. and i was feeling a bit dramatic. ha, yeah that happens frequently. though nothing has changed, my attitude is a bit better this morning. maybe that's because it is friday and was sunny when i got up. hopefully today will be a better day.

i am so overwhelmed, i don't even know where to start. i can't go into details, but let's just say that sometimes (like right now), i don't see a way out of this mess. and my emotions have gone haywire. i am so confused and frustrated and worried.

but i will be ok, i know it. God is in control, i just sometimes (again, like now), tend to forget.

back at Furman!

So I am back at Furman (we got back last night). And it was hot!! I was so surprised when it was about 9 pm and I didn't need any sort of jacket or even a long-sleeved shirt. I love it. :) So this term is just about over - today in HES I counted how many days we have left, and we have just about 40-something, including the weekends!!! Can you believe it?! I am 6 weeks out from being halfway done with college!!! Where has the time gone? I just got here - I can't believe how fast 2 years have flown by! So much has happened, I don't even know what to think about it. I love my friends. :) And God. :) And sunshine. :) And naps. :) And American Idol. :) And lots more, but that's all for now.

Happy Easter!

This is such a day of celebration - He is risen!!! Be sure to remember how amazing Jesus is!!!

So I am in Louisville, KY, with Whitney and her family. Their house is so cool - it is over 100 years old! I have had a great time here - I am so grateful for how hospitable and warm her family has been. It's hard not being home for Easter, but being here has felt like a sort of home. And I have gotten some much needed rest, not just sleep, but just time away from everything. SO good. I did get a bit of a sunburn at Will's lacrosse game yesterday, but not too bad - some color for my pale white skin, so that is also good. Tuesday I have to give a 10-min speech that I haven't finished writing, so that will be fun to do tomorrow night when we get back to Furman. I really don't want to work for another month and a half. Ugh. I want summer to be here now. Sort of. I am torn, as always. But I am grateful for the warm weather - I love spring!!! Ok, I can think of nothing more to say for now.

lessons learned

i was listening to the carrie underwood cd at work today, and i thoroughly enjoyed it. good job america, for choosing a good singer last american idol season. anyways, one song in particular i really enjoyed. i thought i would post it, the lyrics are quite powerful, at least i thought so. when you get the chance, read through them and really think about them. hope everyone is having a great day! one more day and easter break!!!! :)

"Lessons Learned"

There’s some things that I regret
Some words I wish had gone unsaid
Some starts that had some better endings
Been some bad times I ’ve been through
Damage I could not undo
Some things I wish I could do all all over again
But it don’t really matter
When life gets that much harder
It makes you that much stronger, oh
Some pages turned, some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned

From every tear that had to fall from my eyes
From every day I wondered how I’d get through the night
From every change life has thrown me
I’m thankful for every break in my heart
I’m grateful for every scar
Some pages turned, some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned

There’s mistakes that I have made
Some chances I just threw away
Some roads I never should’ve taken
Been some signs I didn’t see
Hearts that I hurt needlessly
Some wounds that I wish I could have one more chance to mend
But it don’t make no difference
The past can’t be re-written
You get the life you’re given, oh
Some pages turned, some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned

From every tear that had to fall from my eyes
From every day I wondered how I’d get through the night
From every change life has thrown me
I’m thankful for every breath in my heart
I’m grateful for every scar
Some pages turned, some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned

And all the things that break you
Are all the things that make you strong
You can’t change the past coz it’s gone
And you gotta just move on
It’s all lessons learned

Bridge with new changes:
and all the things that break you
Are all the things that make you strong
You can’t change the past cuz it’s gone
You just gotta move on
Because it’s all lessons learned

yay!!! my computer is working! after my last post it died again, so i took it to the computer store tonight and of course, it worked for the technician. he made a few adjustments, but overall, nothing was wrong. i was like, ok, computer, this is your chance to shine and show what weird things you can do. but no, it was ok. he took off the back of the computer and looked at the ram, and there was a big clump of dust in there, so he took the air thing and blew that out. and he blew some dust out of the fan too - maybe that will help. seriously, the clump of dust was huge, so that could be it. haha, me and all my computer knowledge :) yes, i am going to blame the dust for now.

on a more serious note, i read through my high school journal yesterday. wow. i cannot believe some of the stuff that is in there. i cannot believe what i thought and had the audacity to write down!!! but it made me think about where i was then and where i am now, as a person, not just geographically. i am grateful to see how the Lord has changed me, and i know that i will look back in 4 more years and say the same thing about now. it also helped me gain perspective on my current circumstances. i get so emotional and blow things way out of proportion, and when i read how things were such huge deals back then, and i realize how insignificant they really were, it helps me not worry so much about what problems i have now. things that i stress about really aren't that big of a deal in comparison to things like the war and poverty and world hunger. but i am not going to lie, my journal is quite funny to read. :) my life sounds so dramatic and every little thing in life revolved around me. well, that really hasn't changed that much, sadly. but hey, now i can acknowledge that and hopefully work on it, right?

two more days and then easter break - i can't wait!!! i just have to write my 10 minute speech, and then i won't have any stress. yeah right. but spring is beautiful and i am for the most part, content. God is good. :)

computer....alive....sort of....

so my computer successfully turned on today for the first time in about a week. yay! but i won't hold my breath that it is ok now. i found one good thing about not having a computer 24/7 is that when i look to entertain myself, i write in my journal more, so i have caught up on my journaling that i had really slacked off in. so again, i wont be writing quite as much in here as i keep up with my personal, not public, journal.

this weekend has been difficult for me emotionally for a variety of reasons. i am ready for a break, and i am looking forward to going home with whitney for easter. yes, i do really want to go home, but i have a feeling that the time spent with whitney and her family will also be therapeutic.

i have also recently learned that i shouldn't write on here whatever fluctuating emotions i am experiencing, because they can give the wrong impression. so far i dont think i have done that, but i have definately experienced it and would hate to put anyone through the emotional turmoil that arises through reading about other people's fluctuating emotions. ok, that was sort of confusing. oh well.

four more days and then a break. hold on! it will fly by - it always does, whether or not i want it to.... i just need some time to breathe.....

just to let you all know, my computer is dead, so i won't be posting for a while until i get it fixed. :( i am very sad - i didn't realize how much time i spent on the computer until now i don't have it. i have a lot more free time. :) ok, no, i'm not really happy about it.

so, that's it for a while.