friday night

Today is Friday and tonight I have the EVM retreat. I will be back sometime early Saturday afternoon. Wish me luck....

EVM and things I like

EVM is really strange. I am glad that it is a scholarship program so I feel I am getting something out of it other than strange stories. This weekend is the retreat - I really don't want to go, but I must. Perhaps I will return with yet more strange stories. Thankfully I am going to Italy in the winter so I won't have to go to the millions of meetings for EVM I go to now.

And I went to Engage tonight - it's a lot different from last year, specifically the band has changed. And I don't like it as much. But I so glad that I got to go! To be able to be back in a place that I know and where my friends and I can worship God together. Sure, we can do that anywhere, but Engage is a place specifically for praising God together, and I love it. :)

Things I like right now:
- track #4 on Chris Tomlin's new CD
- that I don't have my religion class tomorrow
- talking to my friends about God and faith
- knowing that I can make good banana muffins and garlic bread, sure, they don't make a meal, but they're good in their own individual ways
- that we moved to Colorado and God saved us from the drama that has unfolded and continues to unfold in Tennessee
- my room
- my roommates (old and new) :)
- the fact that I actually finished my papers from summer reading for Italy
- frozen go-gurt
- that Necole is on Facebook now
- that Kaylah got the job she sort-of wanted
- the peace I have felt recently even though nothing about my life or situation has changed

awkward moments...

Today when Kristin and I were running, we talked about awkward moments we had experienced recently. I realized how much I hate awkward moments but how often I experience them. Thankfully I can usually say something to change the subject, but those few seconds of tension before I do are pretty much killer. I am going to do my best to avoid them from now on.

And on a lighter note, please enjoy a little espanol. Let me know if you need help with the translation. :)

"Y amigos son amigos para la eternidad,
Si el Dios es el Dios de ellos
Y un amigo no diria nunca
porque el bienvenido no termina..."

and that's about as far as our translation goes, for now.

Countdown to Italy: 104 days

first love

i used to be the one who would long to hear Your voice
a child who sought to win his Father's heart
but as i carried on, life's got a hold on me
now here i am a son so far from home

tell me when did i lose my first love?
where did the fire and passion go?
burn in me Your holy fire give me back my lost desire
and restore in me the love i felt for You

can i remember how it felt?
when they looked into my face
and they saw the love of Jesus in my eyes
when i looked back on my life
and questioned where i've been
can i really say i've done my best for you?

oh where did i go (ive lost my way)
oh i'm lost and i'm alone
oh help me please
Lord lead me home

Father take me back
let me start again
Lord i've failed and fallen in my pride
lead me back to you (back to you)
where my life began
revive in me the yearning that has died

"First Love" - by Avalon

the weekend begins...

well, Club Manor did not turn out like we had hoped. Annie, Kristin and I tried to go around 11:30, all dressed to impress, and when we got there, there were so many people we had nowhere to park so they made us leave! So we came back to Furman, Kristin patrolled lakeside, and Annie and I sat in her bed eating popcorn and diet coke watching Friends. Then about 12:30, after a few phone calls, we decided to try going again. By the time we got there, the cops had shown up and were shutting the party down! I know that sounds sketchy, but everyone's guess is that some guys from another fraternity had called the cops about noise. They don't give out alcohol at parties, it's always bring your own alcohol. So the drinking was under control, the driving situation was under control, there were just hundreds of people. What's funny is that it was a Pi Kapp party - they aren't crazy at all. The freshmen are going to think that they are these rough partiers who get broken up by the cops. hahaha But then back at the apt, a bunch of people came over and we all hung out in my room - it was quite unexpected but fun. Then Annie and I stayed up way too late.... hehehe So who knows how the rest of the weekend will go - nothing is going the way I envisioned it, though that isn't necessarily bad.

oh, and last night it was made known to me that the Donut Man song "Jesus Showed Us God's Love" is the same tune as the "My Little Pony" song! What a rip off!!! hahaha

Computer status: ALIVE!!!!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am finally typing on my dear little Gateway computer once again! Many thanks go out to Aaron in Colorado for bringing it back to life and providing technical assistance over the phone last night! I am forever in your debt! (He doesn't read this or even know it exists, but at least you all know how grateful I am!)
I am looking forward to this weekend, even though I do have to finally write that last paper for Italy along with the normal homework load. Tomorrow night is Pi Kapp's Club Manor party, and my apartment-mates and I are going to go together! It will be our first all-apartment event! (Well, I am not sure if Lisa is coming, but Annie, Merianna and I are.) And if there are a lot of people at the party, it will be super fun. Also, Saturday is Ben's birthday, and Liz's birthday is this weekend too, I think. A football game on Saturday....sounds like fun, eh? Hopefully I will get some work done in the midst of the extracurricular activities I have planned.

Tonight I successfully cooked my first real dinner here in the apt. I made spaghetti with steamed broccoli and garlic bread. Whitney and Ryan came and ate with me - it was delightful. And tomorrow I need to make banana muffins because we have 2 very overripe bananas. With each successful meal or baking experience, I am more encouraged to keep trying. The mac-and-paste incident set me back a bit; I really didn't want to cook after that. But if I plan better and use recipes, I should be ok. Tomorrow I am going to attempt to make some potato salad for a cook-out in SoHo, so that should be interesting.

Tonight I met some of the freshmen on Gambrell 100, and there were some nice guys in there. It was super weird to go in Timony and Zach's old room and see new freshmen living there. It made me feel old (though I did find out that Reilly, a sophomore, is only 6 days younger than me). But I definately enjoyed wandering around with Evan meeting some of his kids. :) haha I bet they wouldn't want me to call them kids. Oh well, they probably think it's weird that a junior would be walking around on a freshman hall. So I can call them kids if I want to.

You know, my situation in life really hasn't changed at all, but I am trying to look at the positive things in my life and not even think about what stresses me out and depresses me. Today was a good day, and that is all I can ask for. All I need are fresh mercies each morning, and today was definately a fresh start. God is so faithful to grace me, even when I am so unfaithful to ask for or to be open to receive his grace. So once more I go to bed in my new room, praying for peace as I sleep and grace for the new day tomorrow. And to my family and friends, as your individual circumstances come to my mind, I am praying for you too. Somehow praying for other people makes me feel better - though it really doesn't change my situation, at least I feel I am doing something to help the ones I love.

Countdown to Italy: 108 days

i need so much more than this.....

another day

today i am going to be reading Psalm 19 in the church service here at Furman, thanks to my acceptance into the EVM program. i am not going to lie, i am a bit nervous. but it shouldn't be that bad if i practice.

i finished my homework for this weekend, and that makes me very happy. and you know what makes me even happier? knowing that by the middle of next week i will have my computer again!!!!! it will be truly glorious. perhaps that will help me adjust better to living all the way out here in north village.

life is ok right now, i am grateful for long tree-ific talks with friends who will be honest with me, for dance parties on the third floor, the joys of taking ridiculous pictures on Mac computers, cookouts where i don't have to cook, homemade ice cream and High School Musical, and sleeping in way too late. i have this new theory - if i concentrate on the things i enjoy here rather than what stresses me out and makes me worry, then maybe i will enjoy life more. we'll see how it goes.

oh, and please enjoy this amazing picture of me. :)

and classes have started....

....and i am grateful annie is letting me use her computer. :)

well, i already said it, but classes have started. they started on tuesday, but wednesday was the killer day. listen to my wednesday schedule:
9-10 am - work
10-11 am - class
11-12 am- work
12-1 pm - class
1-3 pm - class
3-5 pm - EVM meeting
8 pm - Italy meeting
so i leave my room at quarter til 9, and get back at like quarter to 5. then a meeting at 8, and somewhere in the middle i have dinner and homework. i think i am going to hate wednesdays. but i did get accepted to the Exploration of Vocation and Ministry program, which is run through the chaplains' office and is for students who are discerning whether or not they should go into the ministry. i am not sure that that is what i want to do, but i guess that is why i am in the program. it is a scholarship program too, so that's another reason for me wanting to do it.

last night we had the first meeting about our trip to Italy this winter. it's an interesting group of kids for sure, but i think it will be fun. we got our itinerary, but i forgot it there, so i will have to get another one if i want to talk about it. but it looks so fun!!! but i am not going to lie, i am a bit nervous/scared about the whole thing, i mean, it is totally an unknown for me, and i don't like doing things that i am not sure how they are going to pan out. but i've been doing that a lot lately. hm... anyways, it's going to be fun, but we don't leave until january 7. then back to the states on february 17. those dates are final, no matter what else happens while we are there.

and i am still feeling lost and homesick, which is so weird for being at furman, because that is not how i am supposed to feel or have ever felt at furman. i hope this doesn't last. i mean, i definately have happy moments, but overall it's still kind of like a perpetually bummed mood. like i could cry at any given moment, but don't worry, i don't. oh life....

and now i need to go to the library to print some stuff and then maybe FCA.

computer status: still in surgery

so i am at furman, but i still don't have my computer. i am hoping to have it in a week or so. that would be marvelous. i feel so alone and isolated in the apartments with no connection to the world outside my apartment. and i can't wait to have the kitchen and "sitting area" all set up - it looks so sad right now. and my roommates aren't there whenever i am, but hopefully that will change once classes start tomorrow.

last night i made really good homemade macaroni and cheese, and today i made some for lunch, and it tasted like macaroni and paste. like unsalted popcorn paste. so much for an easy meal. and i can never think of anything to cook, i think i will be eating a lot of cereal and oatmeal as i try to figure out what groceries to buy and how to make a meal every day. this independence thing is harder than i thought it would be. well, so far just the eating part. and i still have to get cleaning supplies for the apt, and merianna and i need to figure out a cleaning schedule.

i am glad to be back, classes start tomorrow, and the weird thing is, i am sort of excited because i have been getting bored being here with nothing to do but just be here. i am so so so so so so glad to see my friends though. but i do miss home some. :/ didn't think that would happen so soon. once i get into a routine, i think this in-between lost feeling will fade. but for now i am just here, thankfully polly is letting me use her computer, other than this, i would just be sleeping/watching tv in annie's room because i don't have a tv.

i feel like life is happening all around me, and i am just stuck in the middle, not knowing where to go or what to think. but, again, i think classes and routine will help with this lost feeling. as time unfolds, hopefully everything else will as well.

friday

today is my last day of work. i can hardly believe it. last night i changed my tickets so now i will be arriving at furman on wednesday the 6th instead of saturday the 9th. i am excited, but now i realize that it's gonna be a while, well, until october, until i see my family again. it's this strange tight, sick feeling in my chest - i hope that leaving on wednesday is the right choice. today i am shipping my boxes, and i will carry on the rest of my stuff on the plane on wednesday. i get SO stressed about packing and moving; it's terrible. like on wednesday i will probably feel sick all day until i get to greenville with all my luggage. and then i will stay concerned until my boxes arrive in the mail. sometimes i wonder if it's worth all this stress of moving and being so far from home, but i think in the end it is. i got my financial aid award notice from furman, and i am so blessed. it is evident to me that i am supposed to be at furman because i couldn't go there without a lot of financial provision, and the Lord continues to provide. i am so grateful. and now i am going to frame my last basement of the summer. i cannot wait for this to be over...

ugh

i need to get more sleep. i wouldn't need sleep if i didn't have to get up for work every morning. and who the heck decided 8 AM was a good time to start?! today we were supposed to start at 8, but scottie had to go get a bunch of supplies, so i am waiting to hear from him now as to when i should head over to the job site. but i was still ready by 8, so now i am super tired and bored, but i can't go back to bed, or i will never wake up again when i have to. thankfully my first class isn't until 10 this fall. that's gonna be nice. :) and now i am talking about nothing because i have nothing to do. actually, now i am going to go see if fresh prince is on tv. then i'll go to work, eventually...

a weird new feeling...

...called missing home. yes, indeed, i think i am going to miss home a little once i get back to school. my family and i have been getting along great recently, and necole and i have been hanging out a lot, and i think i am gonna miss it. don't get me wrong, i am super excited to get back to the other part of my life at Furman, but that doesn't mean i can't miss this part, home. i wish home was closer to Furman, that would make life so much simpler. but this is weird that i am feeling this after missing Furman so much all summer.

life is so complex, i get so confused.

and i highly encourage all of you to watch "take the lead" - it is a great movie!!!

Colorado State Fair

Today Necole and I went to the State Fair, just the two of us. And there were about 3 other people there. Ok, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but there were seriously no people there other than the animal owners and the carnival workers. We got to ride every ride we wanted to with no wait in line, and for however long we wanted. However, Necole turned out to be a bit of a baby when it came to the spinning and or swinging rides. But it was still fun. We saw a lot of pigs, horses, cows, goats, rabbits, ducks, chickens, alpacas, and other various livestock. It smelled really bad. But we got to milk a cow, and that was super gross. The horses were really cool though - some of them were so beautiful! We got to pet some of them and I wasn't that scared. :) But it was good to just be with Necole. I am really going to miss her when we both leave Colorado Springs, but that's not to say that I am not ready to get back to school. I just hope that I get to see her within a year, because otherwise that would just be sad. When I get some pics of the fair, I'll post a few. And now I am tired. So, good night!

today i got a tattoo.

16 days...

There are 16 more days until I leave for Furman. This morning Kaylah moved into her dorm - I didn't get to go help her move in because today was my last day of babysitting!!! I enjoyed being able to spend time with the kids this summer, but I think this break from them will be great for us. I love them and can't wait to see them at Christmas, or whenever I come home next. I am really going to miss Necole. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that we have been friends for over 5 years now, and other times it is hard to believe that that is all - like, I feel like I've known her forever. I couldn't ask for a better friend....and she is going to freaking Australia. I have to get there at some point. That point will be when I have enough money to get there, after Furman and Italy. ...sigh... It could be a while. I'm just going to have to make the most of the time we have left together.

I was washing a dish, and I came out.....

So now I am going to relate the story of last night. Necole and I went to the dollar theater downtown because on Tuesdays, the movies are only 50 cents, and we are cheap. So we watch MI3, which was really good, by the way. Anyways, we were driving home from the theater and at the intersection of Academy and Maizeland, we came to a screeching halt at the yellow light. However, the gray car in the left turn lane right next to us, ran the yellow light that turned red, but instead of turning left from the left turn lane, he swerved over and went straight through the light. There was a white car coming the opposite direction, also in the left turn lane. It must have thought the gray car next to us was also turning left, so the white car thought they could both run the light and turn left (opposite directions). WELL, they crashed! Right in front of Necole and I!! It took like 10 seconds for us to register that they actually hit, but we pretty much freaked out once we realized it!!! I called 911 from my cell phone and reported the accident because we couldn't move because the crash was right in front of us and there were cars around us. I then called Dad, who was working at the fire station, and told him the whole story and how we saw it and everything. So Dad was like, it is your citizen's duty to stay and report it to the police. So Necole and I were eventually able to pull off the road to a gas station, and then we walked over to the curb, tried to get the fire fighters' attention, but to no avail. Once the police got there, we walked over to the cop and told him that we had seen the whole thing. Apparently we were the only witnesses to the accident that stuck around to report it. (Probably because everyone else knew what idiots we would look like just standing on the corner at 10:30 at night.) So we talked to the cops and then filled out witness report forms. Yeah, it was kinda cool, I am not going to lie. :) And Necole and I kept quoting Dane Cook and his one sketch about the car accident - "I was washing a dish....and I came out....I will testify in court that I was washing a dish...." hahahaha It was so funny!!! And then we left the scene of the accident and headed to Necole's house. On the way there we had to get gas, so we stopped at this gas station that apparently was closed, but we thought we could just pay at the pump. Well, the pump would only give us 6 cents worth of gas. It was .021 gallons of gas. hahahaha So we left and found another gas station. It was quite a night of excitement. Although the accident was unfortunate for those involved, it was exciting for us! And we got to fill out legal accident witness reports - pretty sweet, I am not going to lie. Oh Necole, what fun we have together!!

Mexico!

Now I am finally going to take the time to write about our Mexico trip.

Day One - Wednesday
We got there in the afternoon, and it was so freaking hot and humid. The resort was great - we went and ate then checked in, then sat by the pool until we had to get ready for dinner. I actually sunburned a little that day - which made it difficult to tan the rest of the trip. Kaylah, Deborah and I had our own room, and Mom and Dad had their own room. That night was pretty uneventful.

Day Two - Thursday
We pretty much laid by the pool all day. We swam in the ocean too - I have never seen such clear ocean water before - it was amazing. Mom, Deborah and I went sea-kyacking, which was fun but a lot harder than I had anticipated. I also got suckered into playing this game at the pool with Kaylah and Deborah and 5 other ladies. We had to stand on an upside-down kyack, two at a time, in the pool, and try to rock the other person off without touching them. It was really embarrassing to be standing on the kyack in front of the whole pool. But I won and got a free t-shirt, so I guess it's ok. One of the hotel staff members from that game remembered my name the rest of the week. Whenever he would see me, he would be like, "Selah!" and I would be like, "Hola!" It was really cool to hear Spanish everywhere. That night we went to the beach where they were supposed to be having a beach dance party, but it was more like Mexican men trying to sing Neil Diamond and Bob Marley, not exactly dancing music. But it was fun nonetheless.

Day Three - Friday
Again we spent the day at the hotel pool and beach. I went snorkeling, which I didn't really like. I liked the clear water, but I didn't like the taste of the water and I kept forgetting to breathe only through my mouth, and I didn't like knowing all those animals were beneath me. So now I can say I snorkeled, but I don't know if I will do it again. I can't remember anything else significant about that day, it was just relaxing.

Day Four - Saturday
This day we went to a jewelry factory. We thought we were going to get to see them make the jewelry, but they just wanted to sell it to us. It was cool though because once we wanted to leave there, we were told to go stand on the other side of the road and a bus would pull up and take us to town. So we did, and we were just standing on this random road in Mexico with these Mexicans and then got on this bus with the locals and rode to the market. I felt pretty cool to be doing something not touristy, even though we were going to Playa Del Carmen, a tourist hub. So we got to the market, and it was exactly like I thought it would be, except 100 degrees hotter. I am not even kidding you, I have never ever been that hot in my life - it was unbelievable. Mom got a dress and Dad got a hat, and I got some cheap souvenirs and postcards. We saw the beach, then we were like, we are dying, let's go back to the hotel. So the 5 of us rode in 2 taxis back to our hotel. The drivers were CRAZY!!! It was like there were no lanes, and we could just drive into oncoming traffic if he felt like it. I am surprised and grateful that we all made it back to the hotel in one piece. We ate dinner in a really nice restaurant at the hotel that night. That night we tried to watch a show by the hotel staff, but the power went out due to road construction, so we just sat around until they finally cancelled the show. Then we went to bed.

Day Five - Sunday
This day was Mom and Dad's 23rd wedding anniversary. We stayed at the hotel again this day. Every afternoon after lunch, I took a siesta under the shade umbrellas. Ah, I tell you, that is the life. And it was so cool because the waiters would just walk around and ask you if you wanted a drink, and you would be like, yes I would thank you, and they would bring you whatever you wanted. Once I got home, I definately missed my siestas. I think we watched a show by the hotel staff again this night, but I get the nights kind of confused.

Day Six - Monday
My 20th birthday! Today we went on an all-day excursion to see the Mayan ruins, caves, and village. Again, it was unbelievably hot. Where I was sunburned, I got these weird heat blisters that made me peel really badly and now I look like I have leprosy or something. Anyways, the ruins were built in like 600 A.D. The one pyramid was super tall - it was like 120 steps and looked over the jungle. They did human sacrifices on the top of it, which was kind of creepy. It was so weird to think that they killed people up there to appease the pagan gods. It was sad. And then we went to this cave with water in it and stalactites and stalagmites. You could swim in it, but the guide said there were catfish in there, so I opted not to swim. Then we went to the Mayan village, where people still live in little huts and cook over a fire. I did NOT want to just parade through their homes like they were in a zoo or something, but the guide said they got paid for it. But it ended up being pretty cool because I got to talk in Spanish to this woman in the hut, and we talked about her house and kids and her wedding. I was like, this makes all my Spanish classes worth it. And we gave the little village kids apples and they gave us flowers. It was so cool. I wish I could have brought the kids back with me and show them a better life. But they were happy, so I guess they were ok. Then we went back to the hotel and I felt super guilty that we had so much and they had so little, and I couldn't do anything about it. We had dinner in a pretty nice restaurant again, and then we watched a dancing show again. Happy Birthday to me!

Day Seven - Tuesday
Our last full day at the hotel. We hung out at the pool and beach again. My last siesta.... It was fun, but I was ready to come home. We ate at a nice Italian restaurant that night. Deborah, Kaylah, and I watched the movie Patriot Games until we fell asleep.

Day Eight - Wednesday
We left the hotel at 8:30, rode a bus to the airport, stood in line for an hour and a half, then flew home. I finished my summer reading book on the plane, so I guess it was a success. :)

And our vacation is over. Back to reality. I am going to babysit all next week, then work with Dad the next week or so, then pack and head back to Furman! I am so excited, I cannot wait until I get back to school! But I will make the most of my last few weeks here. Last night I went out with Necole and Angela after the MILL. Good times, good times... :) I am grateful for those girls! Well, I am tired of typing, so that's all for now.

off to mexico...

and we are off to mexico for a week! i'll be back on the 16th, so i will talk to you all then! adios!

the wedding planner

i watched the wedding planner tonight. mossimo is so sad and sweet. poor guy got his heart broken. but steve was so perfect for mary. so it's all good. i really shouldn't watch sappy chick flicks late at night, it only makes me lonely. but then in the morning i will be fine again. ahhh....

anyways, wednesday we leave for mexico. and i got some new clothes today that dad bought, so that makes them better. :) and i got my birthday present from my parents tonight, a basket full of kitchen supplies! 2 years ago i would have been beyond disappointed, but now i am excited! now i will never have to buy a kitchen utensil for my apt. yes!!!!

and i freakin' can't wait to go back to furman. i miss it like it is a friend or something. actually, i miss my friends from furman. they're amazing. :) i am so pathetic....hehe

i should go to bed. i waste so much time on this stupid computer. i need to sleep more.