the weekend begins...

well, Club Manor did not turn out like we had hoped. Annie, Kristin and I tried to go around 11:30, all dressed to impress, and when we got there, there were so many people we had nowhere to park so they made us leave! So we came back to Furman, Kristin patrolled lakeside, and Annie and I sat in her bed eating popcorn and diet coke watching Friends. Then about 12:30, after a few phone calls, we decided to try going again. By the time we got there, the cops had shown up and were shutting the party down! I know that sounds sketchy, but everyone's guess is that some guys from another fraternity had called the cops about noise. They don't give out alcohol at parties, it's always bring your own alcohol. So the drinking was under control, the driving situation was under control, there were just hundreds of people. What's funny is that it was a Pi Kapp party - they aren't crazy at all. The freshmen are going to think that they are these rough partiers who get broken up by the cops. hahaha But then back at the apt, a bunch of people came over and we all hung out in my room - it was quite unexpected but fun. Then Annie and I stayed up way too late.... hehehe So who knows how the rest of the weekend will go - nothing is going the way I envisioned it, though that isn't necessarily bad.

oh, and last night it was made known to me that the Donut Man song "Jesus Showed Us God's Love" is the same tune as the "My Little Pony" song! What a rip off!!! hahaha

Computer status: ALIVE!!!!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am finally typing on my dear little Gateway computer once again! Many thanks go out to Aaron in Colorado for bringing it back to life and providing technical assistance over the phone last night! I am forever in your debt! (He doesn't read this or even know it exists, but at least you all know how grateful I am!)
I am looking forward to this weekend, even though I do have to finally write that last paper for Italy along with the normal homework load. Tomorrow night is Pi Kapp's Club Manor party, and my apartment-mates and I are going to go together! It will be our first all-apartment event! (Well, I am not sure if Lisa is coming, but Annie, Merianna and I are.) And if there are a lot of people at the party, it will be super fun. Also, Saturday is Ben's birthday, and Liz's birthday is this weekend too, I think. A football game on Saturday....sounds like fun, eh? Hopefully I will get some work done in the midst of the extracurricular activities I have planned.

Tonight I successfully cooked my first real dinner here in the apt. I made spaghetti with steamed broccoli and garlic bread. Whitney and Ryan came and ate with me - it was delightful. And tomorrow I need to make banana muffins because we have 2 very overripe bananas. With each successful meal or baking experience, I am more encouraged to keep trying. The mac-and-paste incident set me back a bit; I really didn't want to cook after that. But if I plan better and use recipes, I should be ok. Tomorrow I am going to attempt to make some potato salad for a cook-out in SoHo, so that should be interesting.

Tonight I met some of the freshmen on Gambrell 100, and there were some nice guys in there. It was super weird to go in Timony and Zach's old room and see new freshmen living there. It made me feel old (though I did find out that Reilly, a sophomore, is only 6 days younger than me). But I definately enjoyed wandering around with Evan meeting some of his kids. :) haha I bet they wouldn't want me to call them kids. Oh well, they probably think it's weird that a junior would be walking around on a freshman hall. So I can call them kids if I want to.

You know, my situation in life really hasn't changed at all, but I am trying to look at the positive things in my life and not even think about what stresses me out and depresses me. Today was a good day, and that is all I can ask for. All I need are fresh mercies each morning, and today was definately a fresh start. God is so faithful to grace me, even when I am so unfaithful to ask for or to be open to receive his grace. So once more I go to bed in my new room, praying for peace as I sleep and grace for the new day tomorrow. And to my family and friends, as your individual circumstances come to my mind, I am praying for you too. Somehow praying for other people makes me feel better - though it really doesn't change my situation, at least I feel I am doing something to help the ones I love.

Countdown to Italy: 108 days

i need so much more than this.....

another day

today i am going to be reading Psalm 19 in the church service here at Furman, thanks to my acceptance into the EVM program. i am not going to lie, i am a bit nervous. but it shouldn't be that bad if i practice.

i finished my homework for this weekend, and that makes me very happy. and you know what makes me even happier? knowing that by the middle of next week i will have my computer again!!!!! it will be truly glorious. perhaps that will help me adjust better to living all the way out here in north village.

life is ok right now, i am grateful for long tree-ific talks with friends who will be honest with me, for dance parties on the third floor, the joys of taking ridiculous pictures on Mac computers, cookouts where i don't have to cook, homemade ice cream and High School Musical, and sleeping in way too late. i have this new theory - if i concentrate on the things i enjoy here rather than what stresses me out and makes me worry, then maybe i will enjoy life more. we'll see how it goes.

oh, and please enjoy this amazing picture of me. :)

and classes have started....

....and i am grateful annie is letting me use her computer. :)

well, i already said it, but classes have started. they started on tuesday, but wednesday was the killer day. listen to my wednesday schedule:
9-10 am - work
10-11 am - class
11-12 am- work
12-1 pm - class
1-3 pm - class
3-5 pm - EVM meeting
8 pm - Italy meeting
so i leave my room at quarter til 9, and get back at like quarter to 5. then a meeting at 8, and somewhere in the middle i have dinner and homework. i think i am going to hate wednesdays. but i did get accepted to the Exploration of Vocation and Ministry program, which is run through the chaplains' office and is for students who are discerning whether or not they should go into the ministry. i am not sure that that is what i want to do, but i guess that is why i am in the program. it is a scholarship program too, so that's another reason for me wanting to do it.

last night we had the first meeting about our trip to Italy this winter. it's an interesting group of kids for sure, but i think it will be fun. we got our itinerary, but i forgot it there, so i will have to get another one if i want to talk about it. but it looks so fun!!! but i am not going to lie, i am a bit nervous/scared about the whole thing, i mean, it is totally an unknown for me, and i don't like doing things that i am not sure how they are going to pan out. but i've been doing that a lot lately. hm... anyways, it's going to be fun, but we don't leave until january 7. then back to the states on february 17. those dates are final, no matter what else happens while we are there.

and i am still feeling lost and homesick, which is so weird for being at furman, because that is not how i am supposed to feel or have ever felt at furman. i hope this doesn't last. i mean, i definately have happy moments, but overall it's still kind of like a perpetually bummed mood. like i could cry at any given moment, but don't worry, i don't. oh life....

and now i need to go to the library to print some stuff and then maybe FCA.

computer status: still in surgery

so i am at furman, but i still don't have my computer. i am hoping to have it in a week or so. that would be marvelous. i feel so alone and isolated in the apartments with no connection to the world outside my apartment. and i can't wait to have the kitchen and "sitting area" all set up - it looks so sad right now. and my roommates aren't there whenever i am, but hopefully that will change once classes start tomorrow.

last night i made really good homemade macaroni and cheese, and today i made some for lunch, and it tasted like macaroni and paste. like unsalted popcorn paste. so much for an easy meal. and i can never think of anything to cook, i think i will be eating a lot of cereal and oatmeal as i try to figure out what groceries to buy and how to make a meal every day. this independence thing is harder than i thought it would be. well, so far just the eating part. and i still have to get cleaning supplies for the apt, and merianna and i need to figure out a cleaning schedule.

i am glad to be back, classes start tomorrow, and the weird thing is, i am sort of excited because i have been getting bored being here with nothing to do but just be here. i am so so so so so so glad to see my friends though. but i do miss home some. :/ didn't think that would happen so soon. once i get into a routine, i think this in-between lost feeling will fade. but for now i am just here, thankfully polly is letting me use her computer, other than this, i would just be sleeping/watching tv in annie's room because i don't have a tv.

i feel like life is happening all around me, and i am just stuck in the middle, not knowing where to go or what to think. but, again, i think classes and routine will help with this lost feeling. as time unfolds, hopefully everything else will as well.

friday

today is my last day of work. i can hardly believe it. last night i changed my tickets so now i will be arriving at furman on wednesday the 6th instead of saturday the 9th. i am excited, but now i realize that it's gonna be a while, well, until october, until i see my family again. it's this strange tight, sick feeling in my chest - i hope that leaving on wednesday is the right choice. today i am shipping my boxes, and i will carry on the rest of my stuff on the plane on wednesday. i get SO stressed about packing and moving; it's terrible. like on wednesday i will probably feel sick all day until i get to greenville with all my luggage. and then i will stay concerned until my boxes arrive in the mail. sometimes i wonder if it's worth all this stress of moving and being so far from home, but i think in the end it is. i got my financial aid award notice from furman, and i am so blessed. it is evident to me that i am supposed to be at furman because i couldn't go there without a lot of financial provision, and the Lord continues to provide. i am so grateful. and now i am going to frame my last basement of the summer. i cannot wait for this to be over...

ugh

i need to get more sleep. i wouldn't need sleep if i didn't have to get up for work every morning. and who the heck decided 8 AM was a good time to start?! today we were supposed to start at 8, but scottie had to go get a bunch of supplies, so i am waiting to hear from him now as to when i should head over to the job site. but i was still ready by 8, so now i am super tired and bored, but i can't go back to bed, or i will never wake up again when i have to. thankfully my first class isn't until 10 this fall. that's gonna be nice. :) and now i am talking about nothing because i have nothing to do. actually, now i am going to go see if fresh prince is on tv. then i'll go to work, eventually...

a weird new feeling...

...called missing home. yes, indeed, i think i am going to miss home a little once i get back to school. my family and i have been getting along great recently, and necole and i have been hanging out a lot, and i think i am gonna miss it. don't get me wrong, i am super excited to get back to the other part of my life at Furman, but that doesn't mean i can't miss this part, home. i wish home was closer to Furman, that would make life so much simpler. but this is weird that i am feeling this after missing Furman so much all summer.

life is so complex, i get so confused.

and i highly encourage all of you to watch "take the lead" - it is a great movie!!!

Colorado State Fair

Today Necole and I went to the State Fair, just the two of us. And there were about 3 other people there. Ok, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but there were seriously no people there other than the animal owners and the carnival workers. We got to ride every ride we wanted to with no wait in line, and for however long we wanted. However, Necole turned out to be a bit of a baby when it came to the spinning and or swinging rides. But it was still fun. We saw a lot of pigs, horses, cows, goats, rabbits, ducks, chickens, alpacas, and other various livestock. It smelled really bad. But we got to milk a cow, and that was super gross. The horses were really cool though - some of them were so beautiful! We got to pet some of them and I wasn't that scared. :) But it was good to just be with Necole. I am really going to miss her when we both leave Colorado Springs, but that's not to say that I am not ready to get back to school. I just hope that I get to see her within a year, because otherwise that would just be sad. When I get some pics of the fair, I'll post a few. And now I am tired. So, good night!

today i got a tattoo.

16 days...

There are 16 more days until I leave for Furman. This morning Kaylah moved into her dorm - I didn't get to go help her move in because today was my last day of babysitting!!! I enjoyed being able to spend time with the kids this summer, but I think this break from them will be great for us. I love them and can't wait to see them at Christmas, or whenever I come home next. I am really going to miss Necole. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that we have been friends for over 5 years now, and other times it is hard to believe that that is all - like, I feel like I've known her forever. I couldn't ask for a better friend....and she is going to freaking Australia. I have to get there at some point. That point will be when I have enough money to get there, after Furman and Italy. ...sigh... It could be a while. I'm just going to have to make the most of the time we have left together.

I was washing a dish, and I came out.....

So now I am going to relate the story of last night. Necole and I went to the dollar theater downtown because on Tuesdays, the movies are only 50 cents, and we are cheap. So we watch MI3, which was really good, by the way. Anyways, we were driving home from the theater and at the intersection of Academy and Maizeland, we came to a screeching halt at the yellow light. However, the gray car in the left turn lane right next to us, ran the yellow light that turned red, but instead of turning left from the left turn lane, he swerved over and went straight through the light. There was a white car coming the opposite direction, also in the left turn lane. It must have thought the gray car next to us was also turning left, so the white car thought they could both run the light and turn left (opposite directions). WELL, they crashed! Right in front of Necole and I!! It took like 10 seconds for us to register that they actually hit, but we pretty much freaked out once we realized it!!! I called 911 from my cell phone and reported the accident because we couldn't move because the crash was right in front of us and there were cars around us. I then called Dad, who was working at the fire station, and told him the whole story and how we saw it and everything. So Dad was like, it is your citizen's duty to stay and report it to the police. So Necole and I were eventually able to pull off the road to a gas station, and then we walked over to the curb, tried to get the fire fighters' attention, but to no avail. Once the police got there, we walked over to the cop and told him that we had seen the whole thing. Apparently we were the only witnesses to the accident that stuck around to report it. (Probably because everyone else knew what idiots we would look like just standing on the corner at 10:30 at night.) So we talked to the cops and then filled out witness report forms. Yeah, it was kinda cool, I am not going to lie. :) And Necole and I kept quoting Dane Cook and his one sketch about the car accident - "I was washing a dish....and I came out....I will testify in court that I was washing a dish...." hahahaha It was so funny!!! And then we left the scene of the accident and headed to Necole's house. On the way there we had to get gas, so we stopped at this gas station that apparently was closed, but we thought we could just pay at the pump. Well, the pump would only give us 6 cents worth of gas. It was .021 gallons of gas. hahahaha So we left and found another gas station. It was quite a night of excitement. Although the accident was unfortunate for those involved, it was exciting for us! And we got to fill out legal accident witness reports - pretty sweet, I am not going to lie. Oh Necole, what fun we have together!!

Mexico!

Now I am finally going to take the time to write about our Mexico trip.

Day One - Wednesday
We got there in the afternoon, and it was so freaking hot and humid. The resort was great - we went and ate then checked in, then sat by the pool until we had to get ready for dinner. I actually sunburned a little that day - which made it difficult to tan the rest of the trip. Kaylah, Deborah and I had our own room, and Mom and Dad had their own room. That night was pretty uneventful.

Day Two - Thursday
We pretty much laid by the pool all day. We swam in the ocean too - I have never seen such clear ocean water before - it was amazing. Mom, Deborah and I went sea-kyacking, which was fun but a lot harder than I had anticipated. I also got suckered into playing this game at the pool with Kaylah and Deborah and 5 other ladies. We had to stand on an upside-down kyack, two at a time, in the pool, and try to rock the other person off without touching them. It was really embarrassing to be standing on the kyack in front of the whole pool. But I won and got a free t-shirt, so I guess it's ok. One of the hotel staff members from that game remembered my name the rest of the week. Whenever he would see me, he would be like, "Selah!" and I would be like, "Hola!" It was really cool to hear Spanish everywhere. That night we went to the beach where they were supposed to be having a beach dance party, but it was more like Mexican men trying to sing Neil Diamond and Bob Marley, not exactly dancing music. But it was fun nonetheless.

Day Three - Friday
Again we spent the day at the hotel pool and beach. I went snorkeling, which I didn't really like. I liked the clear water, but I didn't like the taste of the water and I kept forgetting to breathe only through my mouth, and I didn't like knowing all those animals were beneath me. So now I can say I snorkeled, but I don't know if I will do it again. I can't remember anything else significant about that day, it was just relaxing.

Day Four - Saturday
This day we went to a jewelry factory. We thought we were going to get to see them make the jewelry, but they just wanted to sell it to us. It was cool though because once we wanted to leave there, we were told to go stand on the other side of the road and a bus would pull up and take us to town. So we did, and we were just standing on this random road in Mexico with these Mexicans and then got on this bus with the locals and rode to the market. I felt pretty cool to be doing something not touristy, even though we were going to Playa Del Carmen, a tourist hub. So we got to the market, and it was exactly like I thought it would be, except 100 degrees hotter. I am not even kidding you, I have never ever been that hot in my life - it was unbelievable. Mom got a dress and Dad got a hat, and I got some cheap souvenirs and postcards. We saw the beach, then we were like, we are dying, let's go back to the hotel. So the 5 of us rode in 2 taxis back to our hotel. The drivers were CRAZY!!! It was like there were no lanes, and we could just drive into oncoming traffic if he felt like it. I am surprised and grateful that we all made it back to the hotel in one piece. We ate dinner in a really nice restaurant at the hotel that night. That night we tried to watch a show by the hotel staff, but the power went out due to road construction, so we just sat around until they finally cancelled the show. Then we went to bed.

Day Five - Sunday
This day was Mom and Dad's 23rd wedding anniversary. We stayed at the hotel again this day. Every afternoon after lunch, I took a siesta under the shade umbrellas. Ah, I tell you, that is the life. And it was so cool because the waiters would just walk around and ask you if you wanted a drink, and you would be like, yes I would thank you, and they would bring you whatever you wanted. Once I got home, I definately missed my siestas. I think we watched a show by the hotel staff again this night, but I get the nights kind of confused.

Day Six - Monday
My 20th birthday! Today we went on an all-day excursion to see the Mayan ruins, caves, and village. Again, it was unbelievably hot. Where I was sunburned, I got these weird heat blisters that made me peel really badly and now I look like I have leprosy or something. Anyways, the ruins were built in like 600 A.D. The one pyramid was super tall - it was like 120 steps and looked over the jungle. They did human sacrifices on the top of it, which was kind of creepy. It was so weird to think that they killed people up there to appease the pagan gods. It was sad. And then we went to this cave with water in it and stalactites and stalagmites. You could swim in it, but the guide said there were catfish in there, so I opted not to swim. Then we went to the Mayan village, where people still live in little huts and cook over a fire. I did NOT want to just parade through their homes like they were in a zoo or something, but the guide said they got paid for it. But it ended up being pretty cool because I got to talk in Spanish to this woman in the hut, and we talked about her house and kids and her wedding. I was like, this makes all my Spanish classes worth it. And we gave the little village kids apples and they gave us flowers. It was so cool. I wish I could have brought the kids back with me and show them a better life. But they were happy, so I guess they were ok. Then we went back to the hotel and I felt super guilty that we had so much and they had so little, and I couldn't do anything about it. We had dinner in a pretty nice restaurant again, and then we watched a dancing show again. Happy Birthday to me!

Day Seven - Tuesday
Our last full day at the hotel. We hung out at the pool and beach again. My last siesta.... It was fun, but I was ready to come home. We ate at a nice Italian restaurant that night. Deborah, Kaylah, and I watched the movie Patriot Games until we fell asleep.

Day Eight - Wednesday
We left the hotel at 8:30, rode a bus to the airport, stood in line for an hour and a half, then flew home. I finished my summer reading book on the plane, so I guess it was a success. :)

And our vacation is over. Back to reality. I am going to babysit all next week, then work with Dad the next week or so, then pack and head back to Furman! I am so excited, I cannot wait until I get back to school! But I will make the most of my last few weeks here. Last night I went out with Necole and Angela after the MILL. Good times, good times... :) I am grateful for those girls! Well, I am tired of typing, so that's all for now.

off to mexico...

and we are off to mexico for a week! i'll be back on the 16th, so i will talk to you all then! adios!

the wedding planner

i watched the wedding planner tonight. mossimo is so sad and sweet. poor guy got his heart broken. but steve was so perfect for mary. so it's all good. i really shouldn't watch sappy chick flicks late at night, it only makes me lonely. but then in the morning i will be fine again. ahhh....

anyways, wednesday we leave for mexico. and i got some new clothes today that dad bought, so that makes them better. :) and i got my birthday present from my parents tonight, a basket full of kitchen supplies! 2 years ago i would have been beyond disappointed, but now i am excited! now i will never have to buy a kitchen utensil for my apt. yes!!!!

and i freakin' can't wait to go back to furman. i miss it like it is a friend or something. actually, i miss my friends from furman. they're amazing. :) i am so pathetic....hehe

i should go to bed. i waste so much time on this stupid computer. i need to sleep more.

names

my name means: Pause and Consider the Heather of the Woods. isn't that cool?!

i love figuring these out! let me know if you want me to decipher your name for you ;)

this past week

well, this morning Evan left. it was pretty sad. but we had a great week! i am so glad that he came! we drove ALL over Colorado and saw some of the most beautiful parts of this great state. and we had some great talks as we drove hundreds of miles together, and i am not exaggerating. it was so cool to be able to be the one to show him mountains like he had never seen before. yeah, that was cool. he was the first friend from college who has come to visit me, so it was super fun to have someone from Furman to meet my family in our home and be able to see what my family is really like. i hope he wasn't too freaked out by how imperfect we all are. his visit has really helped me be able to handle the thought of another month at home. that sounds bad. but what i mean is that it was good to have a taste of Furman to get me through until i get back to school. a bit more than a month and then the apartment with pannie and lisa and merianna! i am so stoked. here are a few pics from evan's visit. go look at facebook to see more.

Evan comes tomorrow. And we are going to see Rascal Flatts.
:) :) :) :) :) :) This is me smiling all the time. :) :) :) :) :) :)

summer is seeming kind of long.....though i know i will complain when it is over as well. ugh. why can i never just be content with where i am?!

new song

i have a new favorite song. it's by Amos Lee. go to amoslee.com to listen to it. it is so beautiful...

Colors

Yesterday I got lost in the circus
Felling like such a mess
Now I’m down I’m just hanging on the corner
I can’t help but reminisce
When you’re gone all the colors fade
When you’re gone no New Year’s Day parade
You’re gone
Colors seem to fade

Your mama called she said that you’re down stairs crying
Feeling like such a mess
Yeah I hear you you’re in the background bawling
What happened to your sweet summertime dress

I know we all, we all got our faults
We get locked in our vaults and we stay
But when you’re gone all the colors fade
When you’re gone no New Year’s Day parade
You’re gone
Colors seem to fade
Colors seem to fade
Yeah

i am so ready to be done with work, but i know that is impossible. being with kids every day (ok, 2 days a week) is enough to drive anyone crazy, even though i love those kids. i mean, i would do anything for them, but sometimes i just want to make them sit in the corner, completely silent, for oh, 5 minutes. 5 minutes of not entertaining them would be amazing. i am not kidding - if 5 minutes goes by without me doing something super fun with them, they are like, i'm bored. what the heck, go play with your zillion toys?! you're 5, use your imagination - my imagination died years ago! not really, but still. and i get to look forward to working outside on a deck the rest of the week. perfect, its only in the freakin' 90s here. but there is a light at the end of the tunnel - evan comes in a week! i know i won't work then! hahaha ok, enough of my venting about my life that really isn't that bad, i am just tired and hot right now.

....and i miss my friends..... my life has moved on from colorado, but i haven't - this in between time is so weird - my 2 worlds cannot connect, so i just keep jumping from one to the other, and whichever one i am in, i miss the other. how typical of me to be discontent wherever i am. maybe i should do something about that....

i am much more at peace about big things in my life that have been driving me crazy - let's just say that God is amazing and i don't know why i fail to always give him everything! after one night of just giving everything to God (ok, cue the song i really don't like on "who you are"), i feel so much more at peace and free. God is amazing. :) obviously.... :) when he reminds me of how great he is, it makes me wonder how i could not live for him, you know? i probably could have phrased that sentence better, but i am not going to. you get the point.

and it's probably a good thing that this post went from my whining to how great God is. that's how life should be - moving on from focusing on ourselves to focusing on God. how spiritual of me to say that. no, i don't mean to be annoying and too spiritual-sounding, but it's true. ok, i am done.

Michael Buble

Last night was the Michael Buble concert! Don't worry, I will add some pictures later on in my post. It was a great concert. He is a terrific entertainer. Mom, Kaylah, Deborah and I went with one of Kaylah's friends and her mom, and one of Deborah's friends and her mom. So, I was kind of out of the loop the whole night. It was so weird - we got to the concert, and we were sitting there, listening to the opening act, and she was pretty good, and I realized that I felt more alone than I had in a really long time. Everyone around us was either with a bunch of their friends and they were all obsessed with Michael Buble (like Kaylah and her friend) or they were on a date. Seriously, I think I was the only one there who was not with a friend or a date. Let's just say that I had a little pity party for myself. But once the concert started, it didn't matter any more. I love the music, and Michael Buble is a really funny guy. It was a lot of fun. Kaylah caught his sweat towel when she and Bri went up to the front near the stage, so she was pretty much ecstatic. I thought it was gross. And there reaches a point of being a fan that I think borders on too much obsession. I was trying to think of a music star that I would like to have their sweaty towel, or even someone that I would scream and yell and be like those screaming *NSync fans (sorry Kristin...hehe...), and I couldn't think of anyone. I don't think that would be my natural reaction. If I met someone famous that I really liked, I would probably just be really quiet and shy, and not the gushing fan. So that really bothers me when other people are like that. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but I do. So I was kind of annoyed at the end of last night. It was great, don't get me wrong, but from feeling alone to being annoyed, I don't think I would spend $75 to do it again. Anyways, here are some pics from the night - oh, the best thing about the night was I got to wear my new sundress. And I looked super preppy (mostly to bother Kaylah, but also because I liked it :) .....hahaha....)

new

i got a new haircut yesterday. 7 1/2 inches off. yes, it is the new me, which is actually just me back in elementary school. but i like it - way less shampoo and conditioner. :) that's all i really have to say right now.

tonight i watched a video from kristin that was all pics and music from this past year at furman. i probably shouldn't have watched it because it made me miss everyone from furman so much. i have been doing really well at home, being content and working and everything, but tonight i am really missing my friends.....

i love you guys. and i miss you more than i can say...

old friends :)

it is so cool to get a message from an old friend. :) especially when it is completely unexpected! i had a chat with a friend from the past, and i cannot tell you how great it was to reconnect with her! we talked about what we are both doing now, and people we both know. basically, what life is like now that we are in college and not middle school! i hope this means that we are going to keep in touch now....

p.s. i am so glad that we moved from TN. i never thought i would say that, but it is so true. i don't even want to think about what my life would have been like if we had stayed there.

and can i just say that i love my friends so much! i cannot express how grateful i am to have friends that truly know me and i can be completely myself around them. i love talking about life and God and everything with you all!!!

and of course i am grateful for all that God has done for me and in me. and for who he is and is showing himself to be. i get so tired of waiting and i start to lose my trust and i feel so far from him, then he is faithful to remind me of how amazing he is. and how much he loves me. :) but sometimes i do wish that Jesus could be here with me physically, that would make believing so much easier. and how cool would it be to hang out with Jesus? like go driving around town with him?!? :) fun thought, just think about it.... :)

thank you to Scottie for the Genesis albums. i love Phil Collins. :)

let me just say that i freaking love the MILL. tonight's talk was soooo good. thank you Aaron for reminding us all about grace. sometimes we forget how amazing it really is.

In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus

When I am alone
When I am alone
When I am alone, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus

When I am afraid
When I am afraid
When I am afraid, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus

so i pretty much hate that i have to work this summer, but such is life. ahhh...

but this afternoon i am off!!! yay for no work!! tomorrow i start a nannying job that kaylah and i are going to split the rest of the summer. she will do it 3 days, i will do it 2. hopefully that will be a nice break from the construction work.

nothing super exciting in life right now...i cannot wait for michael buble and rascal flatts!!!! :)

Wellington

This morning I am off to Wellington, CO, to see Heather and David in their new house. We will be doing some painting, so that will be fun! I am pretty excited to see them and be their first guest (other than Heather's parents). So I will not be here all weekend - I will see you kids later! I will have the cell, if I get reception up there..... :)

my back hates me. it is screaming, "why must you torture me with construction work?!" tomorrow is day 4, in a row, of construction work, and i think i might die....unless my back gives up first. ugh.

but i am grateful for the opportunity to make money.

and i really miss my Furman people. :(

on Sunday we got lost in the mountains, almost ran out of gas, and i almost peed my pants. seriously, i have never held it for so long. but we had fun. :)

and sadly, Annie is leaving in the morning. we are all going to miss her. :(

and i love this hot weather - it feels like summer. :)

i heart the MILL

song of the night...

There is no one else for me,
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free,
Now I live to bring Him praise.

In the chaos
In confusion,
I know You're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won't delay
This is my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord
Forevermore

sawdust and sweat

Yes, today was filled with sawdust and sweat. It was 96 degrees here, though really low humidity, but still really hot. I love it. The part I don't love was the construction work. However, we didn't work in the basement all day, rather I got to go to a business networking lunch. It was quite interesting. There were some really weird business people there, and I definately decided that I don't want to go into business. Ha. Then we started trimming out a basement. As much as I hate it, I am really good at it. Dad said I was the best one on the job site - haha even better than stinky Mark. Literally, he needs to shower. The next 3 days I am going to be babysitting. We'll see how this goes....little kids....I haven't been around them in forever, soooooo....let's hope I still want to have kids someday when this is all over. haha

update

I just watched the movie Firewall. It was so intense. I thoroughly enjoyed it, even though I figured out who would die in the end.

Good news, no, GREAT news.....Evan is going to come visit me the last week of July! Ok, ok, he is coming to see Colorado and the great Rocky Mountains, but he is going to visit me as well. :) So be excited, I know I am!!!

And I continue to work, which is probably what I like least about my summer. I mean, I like making money, but each day I just breathe in and out, reminding myself that "this too shall pass." Just make the most of my time at work, it will pay off in the end, literally.

More exciting news, today I got dinner plates, smaller salad plates, and bowls for my apartment! They are from Pottery Barn, and were 75% off, so they were like $3 each! I am pretty stoked about them. I know, plates aren't that exciting, but they are the first real dishes that are actually mine. And they are green. :) And they won't get confused as disposable dishes either. Oh, and I got a little table too. I am hoping to get someone artistic to paint a flower on it for me. We'll see how that works out.

Ok, that is all for now. Good night!

scrapbook and trogdor

i finished my scrapbook of last year's photos - finally!! it is so good, i am not going to lie. i will bring it to school next year, do not worry, you Furmanites. :) you will get to see this masterpiece even if you never come to my house.

oh, good news, i found strongbad emails on podcast, so now i can watch trogdor the burninator any time i want to, whether or not i am online. what a relief.... :)

I have spent more time with Kaylah's friends and their families this past week than I ever would have thought possible. Today alone I went to 3 graduation parties for people that I barely know. But it was ok, something to do, I guess. No, I really do like a lot of her friends, but I can only mingle and small-talk so much. And we have 2 more parties tomorrow. Gosh....

I think I am going to go to the Rascal Flatts concert in July. That means I will not only see Michael Buble, but also Rascal Flatts - two of my favorite artists! This could be a great summer. Except for work, obviously... At least work keeps me busy and doesn't allow me to sit around and wonder why I didn't have the plethera of friends in high school like Kaylah does. All I can say is I am beyond grateful for the friends that I have here - I would be miserable without them! I love you guys! And I still miss Furman, though I am enjoying no work.....until I order my textbooks for the summer work I have to do for Italy. Ugh. Oh well, it will be worth it.

Random thought, I am super excited about the apartment next year!!! :)

Kaylah's Grad Party

Kaylah's graduation party was last night. There were a lot of people there, and more cheese cubes and vegetables than you would ever want to see, or could ever need. But it was fun, her friends are great, for the most part. :) I really like a lot of them, they are super funny and super sweet. Of course I will pick favorites, but I don't tell them, that would just be too mean. :) It was kind of weird to be at Kaylah's graduation party, because it was very similar to mine. I feel like I just graduated, and now Kaylah is done with high school too. And I am halfway done with college!!! Ahhhh!!!! I am still not over this yet...

This afternoon is her actual graduation, and there will be a lot of tears. Her class is really close, and they have all grown up together. I didn't cry AT ALL at my graduation, so it is going to be a totally different experience. My public high school graduation at the Air Force Academy was very impersonal, and Kaylah's grad is in her high school gym - a lot more personal. I think it will be fun. I'll put up a family picture from this afternoon after we take them.

Ok, I need to go get ready for the day...hehe and it is already noon. I love days off. :)

I feel like a 50 year-old woman.

The title says it all. Today I worked for 11 straight hours. I am dead. My back is killing me and my nose is sunburnt. Today I was supposed to be in charge of the job site, when in actuality, this new kid Mark decided that because he was 24 and a painter, he would be in charge once I organized everything and got everyone to the job site with all the supplies and the plan. Granted, I didn't know exactly how we were going to go about painting the outside of a house that was over 30 feet in the air, and I definately was not going to be climbing the 32-foot ladders. So after I painted the trim and helped Mark and Scottie get all set up, I basically stood around staring up at them as they painted. Yes, I did real work, I cut the boards and I also got them all the supplies they needed as they needed them. I was also the brains of the operation - Dad told me the directions, so without me, they would have had no idea what to do. But I was so fed up with Mark and his tobacco-spitting, odorous, cocky self that by the time Scottie finally cracked and made us all go home (7:30), I was ready to strangle Mark. If you want more details on my ridiculous and over-worked day, just let me know. I have some funny stories that I am too tired to type. Thankfully I don't have to work construction again until Tuesday, and Kaylah's party is tomorrow night, then her grad on Friday night, and then various grad parties over the weekend. And Uncle Tom is here!!! And Annie-Deborah, which is super weird, because she has never been to Colorado and I haven't seen her in over a year. (She is Kaylah's friend from Tennessee that is here for 2 weeks for Kaylah's grad.) Ok, that is all for comments on my life tonight.

and the work begins...

today was my second day of work. yes, construction work. can i please just say how much i don't like that type of work, even though i like the people i work with?! thankfully nathan is working with us now, so he provides a little more entertainment. and he is one of my good friends, so that provides someone to talk to while working as well. i just keep telling myself, selah, you are doing this so you can go to italy in january. this is all for italy (and so i can survive in my apt next fall). that is what gets me through the long day of manual labor.

tomorrow i am going to be in charge on the job site. dad is going to be at the fire department, and he put me in charge of a new job that we are starting. i don't know why, i really don't know what i am doing. ok, so maybe i know a little bit about it, but still, that is a huge responsibility, especially when i am going to be working with my best friend's dad and my friend nathan. i sure hope i don't screw everything up. don't worry, i will let you know how it all goes. :)

tonight my uncle and my sister's friend from tennessee are flying in for my sister's graduation on friday. i am excited about seeing my uncle, but i wonder how things will go over the next 2 weeks that kaylah's friend is going to be here! hopefully our bathroom-sharing won't be too much of an issue!! haha

this weekend is going to be full of graduation parties for my sister's friends - luckily i like most of them, so it will be fun. and even more luckily, most of them like me, and invite me to come along, even if kaylah doesn't! haha kaylah's grad party is thursday night, and her actual graduation is friday night. it will be weird to go to a graduation - i haven't been to one since my own. then back to the grinding stone with more work. all summer. i sure hope that some people can come visit me this summer!!! but i am glad to be at home - at school i really feel disconnected from my family and my friends here. and oh how i love the mountains....i forget how much i love them until i come back and see them again. it is so different here than at school - let's just say that south carolina and colorado don't have much in common!!! hehe

that's all for now! i miss you furman!!!

Sunday at home

I love Sundays at home. I went to church this morning....oh how I love New Life. :) And I hung out with Necole and Missy. We decided on Friday night after the Mill that we would try out the Mill Sunday school because Rob Brendle was going to be speaking. So we go this morning, and I am not kidding, there were 13 people there, including us. For a college ministry that boasts of 1000 people, it was pathetic. And Rob Brendle wasn't speaking. So we left and went to the main service, but we had already missed the worship part, so we stayed for the worship part of the second service. And I got to take care of this little boy named Trey while his mom sang in choir! He is just over a year old and absolutely adorable.....and he fell asleep on my shoulder. :) Times like these I really like little kids, but other times, they really smell bad and are obnoxious. Anyways, it was fun.

Yesterday we worked in the yard for a while, then I went with Kaylah to her friend Kate's senior piano recital. It was really good, but REALLY long. Then my family went to a wedding at 5. Josh and Jaime got married (I don't even know Josh, and I sort of know Jaime). She graduated from Kaylah's high school in 2004. I swear, there are so many people my age who are married or getting married. But it was the first wedding that I have been to a while that I was like, ok, this isn't too weird that they are getting married. Then it was weird that I thought that. And I figured out that I am the exact same age as my mom was when she got married!!!! Ahhhh!!! I cannot even imagine getting married right now! Especially since I am not even dating anyone....hehe yeah, that would make a huge difference.

Today I am home, maybe going out with Necole, maybe not. I am still working on my scrapbook of last year's pictures, so that is fun for me. I just turn on the TV, and sit and work on my scrapbook, and don't even have any idea what is on the TV, but I like the background noise. So yeah, that is today. And tomorrow I start working with my dad. Woo hoo. No. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is all for Italy. Italy, Italy, Italy.....

I am enjoying home, but I miss you Furman people....more than you know!!!

the mill

I went to The Mill tonight! It is like Engage, for those of you who go to good ol' FU. And I got to hang out with Necole again. ahhhh.... I have missed all of our dumb little jokes that no one understands. :)

Last night I hung out with Heather and David - so fun - I love being with them. I think they may be one of my favorite couples. :)

still missing the Furman friends....much love to you all!

so i hung out with NECOLE today!!!!!! YAY!!!! i was so excited to finally see her again!!! although it wasn't like we hadn't talked or anything, so it wasn't as climactic as either of us had anticipated. and we went to _tag. yes, i am a junior in college and went to my high school youth group. it is HUGE now. at least 500 kids, and it was like a concert more than it has ever been. but whatever, i was with necole and angela, so it was fun. and there was a terrible lightning storm when we were driving back to my house - really scary but cool. i am glad to be home, to see my family and sleep in my own bed, but i am not going to lie, i already miss my furman friends. so many things happened today that made me think of various people, but it didn't make me sad, rather, it made me smile to think of such great friends. :)

so, good night dear friends, i love you and miss you all so much.... :)

I AM HOME!!!!

I am finally home! It has been a long, hard day. But I am home, and I get to sleep all day tomorrow if I want to.

However, the reality of all the goodbyes and everything hit me once I got off the plane in Colorado Springs, and finally the tears came. I feel bad for Kaylah because she got to see me bawling. But I will be ok. :)

Ahhh......my house....

so the storage unit people forgot to unlock our unit for us. boo. now we can't load anything into it until the morning. but we will have the cars loaded and be there by 9 am. i can't wait to have it all done!!!

i hate goodbyes.

I AM FINISHED!!!!

I just finished my last exam of my sophomore year of college!!!! I can hardly believe it!!!

And tomorrow.....
....tomorrow I go home!!!!

All that stands between me and home is putting all my stuff in a storage unit, one more sleep, then a plane ride!!! Yay!!! (all really un-fun things!) .....but..... Yay!!!!! :)

I have finished HES!!!!! Yesssssssss!!!!!!

Only one more exam today at 2:30 and I will officially be a junior in college!

And I am going home tomorrow!!!! :)

1 day....

study study study

yeah, i am studying. but of course not all day. :) i will be ready for my two exams tomorrow, though, no worries.

my room is pretty much packed except for what i need in the next 2 days. it is really sad looking. i am excited about going home - with the room not looking like my room, it will be easier to leave. i am starting, well, i am well into being sad about saying goodbye. summer is going to be good, no doubt, but i am so going to miss my furman friends. aahh!! i can't think this way yet - i have work to do before i can get all sentimental!

ok, off to study HES with pannie!!! this class with "tim" is almost over!!

goodbyes

goodbyes are really tough, especially the important ones.

i have a lot of goodbyes coming up. i hate goodbyes.

3 days....

aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

i am going crazy!!!! my room is a disaster zone!!! this whole packing thing isn't going as well as i would have hoped. :( i just sit in the mess not knowing where to start. grrrr....

plus it is super depressing with all the stuff off of the walls - so bare and ugly.

i cannot wait for this mess to be over!!!!

aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

4 days

i have officially finished church history. after one giant essay exam, i am done. now all i have left are 2 exams on monday, then home on tuesday!!! tonight kristin and i started packing up our room. big mistake. it is a mess and is really depressingly bare. i am going to miss chiles 314 and my fabulous roommate. :(

tonight we went out to dinner downtown, probably for the last time this year. it was a lot of fun, really, it was great. if it ends up being the last night we all go out together, it would be a good last night. :) i'm really gonna miss these kids.


4 days...

today is study day. therefore, i should study. i will, for a while. it is beautiful outside, so i am excited about going to sit in the sun to study. :)

last night chiles 300 went out to flat rock for dinner with our hall funds - i love good food and good friends! one thing about eating out - it makes you really realize how terrible the DH is. ugh.

i am going to miss furman this summer. i know that i will cry when i have to say goodbye to my friends, i just want to warn everyone ahead of time.

i really need to start packing too. it will be weird - once this room is all packed up, i will never see it again. that sounds like it would be an obvious thing, but this time last year, kristin and i knew that we would be living together this year and our room would look the same, and it does. but once this year is over, we won't live together anymore, and we won't be in "our" room on chiles 300. yeah, again, i will probably cry. ok, i need to go study. i hate finals.

5 days....

american idol

taylor won. i hate america. i voted for katharine, and stupid taylor won. why did i watch this show for 2 months to end up with this? ugh.

tomorrow is study day, woo hoo.

5 days until home.

CLASSES ARE OVER!!!

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I have attended the last class of my sophomore year in college. All that stands between me and a summer of freedom (and work) are 3 finals. Oh yes, the end is in sight!!!

P.S. I am still freaking out that college is basically half over!!!

i am afraid.

i am afraid. afraid for katharine. i will definately vote in the next 4 hours, but unfortunately taylor seemed to get the best crowd response, though he was hideously ugly in that purple velour jacket with the out of control dance moves, again. i am afraid that this season may have a disappointing end. i mean, seeing as neither mandisa nor elliot will win, i guess it is disappointing already.

a new day has come

"a new day has come...." sing it celine! :) nothing has really changed except my attitude, which makes everything better.

well, the paper went well this afternoon. i wrote about 8 1/2 pages in 4 hours, so i would consider that very productive. only a page and half tomorrow afternoon, and i will be done!! except for finals....but yeah, i actually did work in the library, so that is a step in the right direction. :) oh, and i gave my last speech today, even though i was supposed to go tomorrow. one of the speakers wasn't there, and i was ready because i knew that i would have to write this paper today and i wouldn't be able to write the speech tonight too. so i looked like a super overachiever because i was ready a day early, but it went really well and i am glad to be done with speeches!!! i actually kind of like being prepared ahead of time, i was definately less stressed. haha, i guess that's what mom's been telling me all these years about the benefits of not procrastinating. :) even though this class is over, dr. letteri and i will still be seeing a lot of each other - i am taking his rhetoric class in the fall and he is my communications advisor. yippee.

today i got a card and a bookmark from uncle tom. yay!! i love getting mail, especially happy, encouraging mail from my uncle. thanks uncle tom!! i can't wait to see you in a couple weeks!! :)

tonight is american idol - i will update after the show so you can all hear my expert opinion, though i can already guess what i will think - yeah, i hate taylor, so i guess that means i will vote for katharine. more on that later....

i cannot believe that i only have one more week at school until the summer!!! tomorrow is the last day of classes, then study day, then finals. in one week i will be halfway done with college. what the heck?! since when am i old enough to be almost 20 and halfway done with college? ok, dumb question, but still. all of a sudden today i realized how much i am going to miss my friends this summer. i am so ready for a break from school and stress, but i love my friends and am going to miss them terribly! thank God for cell phones and the AIM! i know, i am such a nerd. :) ok, this entry has grown longer than i had originally planned. more on AI later...

sometimes i hate myself for doing dumb things....like not writing the paper yet. ugh. tomorrow is going to suck until 8 pm. then it will be better. :)

8 days...

only 8 days and a 10 page paper and 3 finals stand between me and summer!!! ok, that is kind of a lot of stuff.... but still, that's close, right? so i am off to do work, for real this time. :)

shagging on augusta

just for clarification, shagging in South Carolina is dancing to beach music (sort of similar to swing dancing).

i would like to thank my roommate and Evan and Robert for making last night so fun. we went to Saluda, NC, for some really good barbeque, walked around the cutest little downtown you have ever seen, drove around a bit, then came back to Greenville for a free concert on augusta road - Maurice Williams and the Zodiacs. apparently they were really big in the late 50s and 60s. they sang classic beach music and a variety of oldies too. it was so much fun! there were more old people than i have seen in a really long time, and we all danced for a really long time. and then it started raining - did that stop the crowd of dancers? no! :) we danced in the rain to some classic songs like "twist and shout" and "up on the roof" and "margaritaville." it was so fun. :)


then i went to the last pi kapp party with annie. yay for annie and i being party buddies!!! :) we were there for quite some time, and it was fun. i think i am getting a really scewed picture of what fraternity parties are because i only ever go to pi kapp and their parties are really really low key. but i like it. :) then when we got back i hung out with the people in the G2 apt - yay for chambrell. :) then finally, bed. overall, it was a really fun night.

now today. i have to keep researching Luther and hymns in the Reformation for this 10 page paper due on Wednesday. ugh. but not much longer and it will all be over and i go home!!!!

9 days....

10 days...

i have had it, with everything....i am tired of being stressed and worried.

i think if i just immerse myself in my studies, i might make it 10 more days....10 more days....

12 days....

religion majors are weird. no offense to my fellow majors, but they are weird. i hope that i never fit the profile. tonight was a picnic at dr. bibb's house and we had food from the pita house. you would think the department would pay for it, but no, it was $4. i hate paying for food. especially when i think it should be free. i just sat there for the whole thing, thinking, wow, these are weird kids. i mean, there are a few normal people, and i did get to talk to this one girl that i have had 2 classes with, and she was really nice and cool, but the others...... whew..... i just don't know...

it was really strange to see the professors and their spouses - like, whoa!! they have real lives and summer vacation plans and grandkids!! i guess the idea that professors have no life is leftover from high school (high school teachers only graded papers and taught, nothing else). :) but apparently they do have real lives. who would have thought?!

tonight and tomorrow and pretty much every day left at furman i am going to be doing a lot of work. i started typing my speech today, and it is infinitely more complex than i had anticipated. i worked for 3 hours and had about 5 minutes worth (i need 10 minutes total). great - that means i have another 3 hours ahead of me. and the same day that i have to give the speech (wednesday) i also have a 10 page paper due for church history, which i haven't even begun to research yet. yay for me. why did i put all of this off until now?!? i mean, it is definately do-able, but i am not going to have fun. i am supposed to go to western carolina with courtney on saturday for our end-of-the-year away baseball game, but i don't know if i can sacrifice 8 hours out of my day for that. i hope so - we will just have to wait and see.

i am feeling better, though i am still incredibly worn out - i have to make the most of the time i have left here. i mean, i am not going to see these people for 3 months, so i need to end with good memories squeezed in between all the work i am going to be doing. i do love my friends, a whole lot....but i do want to go home.

and the countdown is on.....12 days until home....

sad, sad day....

tonight elliot was voted off of american idol. i almost cried, no joke. now i am almost apathetic about who wins. i guess katharine would be my choice because i really dislike taylor.

but elliot!!!!! i am so so so so sad.... :(

and now i have to work on my speech, which is sad too.

so the baseball game was really really really long.....and we lost. and kristin's car got a $100 parking ticket that we are going to split - not exactly the super fun night we had envisioned.

i cannot tell you how ready i am to go home. everything here is too intense and frustrating. we got our storage unit for the summer today, and i just wanted to move all of my stuff in this afternoon and go home tonight. but no. we still have 2 weeks. ahhhhhhhhhhhh..... i am worn out, physically, mentally and emotionally.

again i am left with this - God is God. and that is all that really matters. so now i will let steven curtis chapman sing the song that my heart is singing tonight.

"God is God"
And the pain falls like a curtain
On the things I once called certain
And I have to say the words I fear the most
I just don’t know

And the questions without answers
Come and paralyze the dancer
So I stand here on the stage afraid to move
Afraid to fall, oh, but fall I must
On this truth that my life has been formed from the dust

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God

And the sky begins to thunder
And I’m filled with awe and wonder
‘Til the only burning question that remains
Is who am I

Can I form a single mountain
Take the stars in hand and count them
Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me
He is first and last before all that has been
Beyond all that will pass

Oh, how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge
How unsearchable for to Him and through Him and from Him are all things

So let us worship before the throne Of the One who is worthy of worship alone



good night.

so tonight i talked to kaylah for a really long time. let me just say that it is really weird to be getting advice from your younger sister - actually calling her to get advice because you know that she is exactly the person to help you. i love it. and i love her. :) thanks kaylah. sorry that you had to hear all of that - i guess this was just one step further in our relationship changing from older-sister-younger-sister to friends.

isn't it weird how that just happens though, whether or not i want it to? i mean, a few weeks ago i was calling deborah crying, and she listened to me too. now the facade that "i have everything together and i am the big sister who knows everything" is gone - that's life, i guess. i can't wait to go home - i have never been so ready to hang out with my sisters. this is a good thing though. maybe i won't fight with them now. :)

14 days until home - not just until classes are over, but until home!!!! life is so intense - i need a break from it all!!!

p.s. today i made my first nonrefundable deposit for my italy trip next winter!! yay!! i'm excited (and a bit nervous)!!!

ok, i am soooooooo tired.....time to get some rest for my weary body and mind. good night!!!

BEACH WEEKEND!!! (long post....)

So beach weekend was great!!! I went with FCA to Litchfield Beach (just south of Myrtle Beach, and we did go into Myrtle Beach to see the bikers at biker weekend - wow, I have never been there before, let me just say that it is oh so classy, um, no. It was so trashy, but classic nonetheless.) We went down Thursday night, swam in the ocean at 10:30 at night, yes, it was super fun. Then we played soccer inside our beach house, then we slept in the crowsnest (like a little roof balcony thing)! It was fun until about 6 am when it was super bright and the birds were chirping and it was cold - then we went inside. Friday we just hung out on the beach and swam and walked - it was perfect. Then Friday night we had a cookout with all the FCA people and then we played Disney Trivial Pursuit, learned a few social dances, then went out to find Alice.

Let me tell you a bit about Alice. She is a South Carolina legend. Apparently in the late 1800s, she belonged to really wealthy family, but she fell in love with a guy who was from a lower social class. Her family was really upset, forbade her from seeing him ever again, and sent her away to boarding school in Charleston, where she got really sick. Her brother, who was a doctor, brought her home and took care of her, when he found a ring on a chain around her neck - she was secretly engaged to the poor man she loved. Her brother ripped off her ring and threw it into the marsh. She was so upset that she died a few days later. Her family was so ashamed of her, when they buried her, they only wrote "Alice" on her grave, not even her last name. Legend has it that she was very very beautiful and buried in a white dress. Supposedly, if an engaged girl walks around her grave backwards 13 times, then Alice will come looking for her ring, or something, I don't really know what was supposed to happen. So we decided that we were going to go find her grave, and we did Friday afternoon, and made plans to come back that night. So Andrew, Kristin, Evan, Erin, Robert, Will, Polly, and Michael went to the graveyard that night. We got really freaked out because we realized someone else was in there when we saw another car in the parking lot, and a motion sensor light was on over the grave. We were so scared!!! We ended up going into the graveyard, but when we heard a weird sound, Andrew and I ran out of there! Polly, Will and Evan stayed in there and Polly did walk around it, but nothing happened, obviously. I was not freaked out about ghosts at all - it was the thought that other people were in there that freaked me out the most.

So we took some pictures, left, drove around, prayed because we didn't really know what we were messing with, and then back to the beach house. Andrew headed back up to Myrtle Beach with Pi Kapp, and then Kristin, Evan, Erin, Robert, and I drove all the way to Wal-Mart, made some homemade ice cream, then to bed. Saturday we hung out on the beach again, although it was a bit too windy to be warm enough. Saturday evening we ate in Garden City (I think?) and then drove into Myrtle Beach to see all the bikers and the sketchy motels. :) Then we went to Broadway at the Beach and putt-putt at Mt. Atlanticus. Oh, and then we rode the rollercoaster in the Pavilion. Then more homemade ice cream and bed. Today we woke up too early, cleaned up, and came back to Furman. I am so tired, but it was a fun weekend. I love the beach. I think I had forgotten how much I like the beach - well, it has been like 6 or 7 years since I have gone to the beach (other than Hilton Head in the fall). I love it - the sun, the water, and the sand is ok (I don't like how it gets everywhere). Too bad the ocean is SOOOOO far away from Colorado.

Now only a couple more weeks of intense work, and summer!!! I am so jealous of everybody else who is already done with school. But in the fall, I will be home way longer than everyone else - which isn't fun because no one is there. Dumb Furman, why is our schedule so screwed up?!? Oh well, I still love it here.

But I am ready to come home!!! :)

beach weekend!!!

i'm off to litchfield beach for the weekend!!!! don't you wish you were too!!! :) :) :)

Chris is gone!!!!

Chris has left American Idol!!!!

I am so relieved - now I want Elliot to win. Katharine would be ok too, but NOT Taylor!!!!

Whew, what a great show!! :)

Only 2 more weeks until the finale!!!

i love american idol

i love american idol. :)

i want either elliot or katharine to win.

please, america, vote off taylor or chris....i don't like them.

the theory that paula abdul is always drunk at the show was somewhat validated tonight. pay attention to how weird she is, and you too will start to wonder if her stupid seal clap is more than just an awkward habit, or a sign of slight intoxication.

only 3 more weeks. 3 more incredibly full weeks and then home for the summer! this week is going to be great because as of thursday afternoon....beach weekend! then another weekend, then finals then home!!! granted, i have a lot of work to do, but it will go by so quickly, i just know it! i am so excited to see my family and necole! oh, and i do have to work, but the thought of italy next winter and an apartment next year will ease the pain of my hard labor. :) and who knows who will be able to visit me this summer..... :)

anyways, i actually have a headache (i never get headaches), so i am going to bed before 12 tonight - yes, that is early. so, good night!

p.s. kaylah looked beautiful at her prom!!! :)

p.s.s. i get to go see michael buble with my sisters this july!!!! yay!!!! i absolutely love him!!! and for once my family is doing something fun that i get to do as well!

why the heck would ryan v. be TCA's prom king?!?! please, someone explain that to me...

oh good grief.....

a bit of dramatic truth

ok, this song is a bit dramatic for me, but it says what i have felt a whole lot recently. but don't take it like i am depressed and hurting, because i am not - i am just moving on to a new chapter in life, and change is hard. it always is. and now i will let carrie underwood take it away for me:

I guess it’s gonna have to hurt
I guess I’m gonna have to cry
And let go of some things I’ve loved
To get on to the other side
I guess it’s gonna break me down
Like falling when you’re trying to fly
It’s sad, but moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye

I know there’s a blue horizon
Somewhere up ahead just waiting for me
But getting there means leaving things behind
Sometimes life’s so bittersweet

Time heals the wounds you feel somehow...

ok this is a long post tonight

well, today was a beautiful day, even though i had 2 hours of church history. wait, who am i trying to fool? i like that class. i am not kidding or being sarcastic at all - i really do enjoy that class. weird, i know.

oh, and yesterday i declared communication studies as my double major. so now get this: i am a religion and communication studies double major. it may sound impressive, but both majors are very condusive to doubling up with another major. (is that how you spell condusive? wait, i had to spell it again to ask if i spelled it right. ugh.)

today i listened to brian regan. hahahahahahaha i was just sitting here at my desk, by myself, laughing and laughing. then i played if for kristin, and she didnt think it was funny at all. oh well, i was amused. and it made me think of my family and how we all sat around and listened to brian regan and laughed so hard. :)

when i talked to necole today, i got so excited about going home. i can't wait to see her!! we haven't seen each other since i came to school in september!!! yay for necole!

this weekend is going to be great - pi kapp party friday night, tyler and friends here saturday, baseball and uncle tom on sunday! then monday night is the 7th heaven finale (8pm on abc family!), tuesday night is american idol (sad day, paris is gone), wednesday night is free ice cream with the hall and american idol again, then thursday afternoon we leave for beach weekend! yay!! and tomorrow night i am going to have dinner and study with annie! so this week, this weekend, next week, and next weekend are going to be great! and then only a week and a half more of classes, finals, then home for the summer! also, on may 24 is the american idol finale - can i say party in my room!?!?! haha i cannot believe that i am going to be halfway done with college!!!! time is flying by faster than i ever thought it could!

i know i am going to miss my friends here while i am at home, but i am definately ready for a long break. and by break i mean a summer job so i can furnish an apartment and go to italy next year. woo hoo. and then i will be ready to come back to FU to start the second half of my college career!!! ahhhh!!!

ok, that is enough for now. how about some comments.... :)

boy, life sure can get confusing and painful. but we have to trust that the Lord will work it all out according to His plan and in His time. growing up hurts.

i love banana pudding

it's true. i love banana pudding. tonight i went with fca leadership to one of our sponsors' (or whatever he is, i don't really know what his job is) house for a cookout.

let me just say, i think he has the exact life that i want. their house was adorable - the kitchen was spring green. perfect. and they had four of the cutest kids ever. and he works for the church, and i think she stays home. doesn't that sound like exactly how i will end up? i mean, everything else that i plan or think will happen obviously doesn't, but i would love it if that was my life someday. here it is: happily married, 4 kids, cute house and have college kids come over to the house. i love it.

ok, that is definately WAY down the road, because i could not even picture myself dating anyone, seriously or not, right now, let alone get married and have kids. i am glad that i have time and things to look forward to. i am going to make the most of these years of freedom that i have now.

ok, that's enough.

MY COMPUTER IS ALIVE!!!!

My computer is alive!!!!! Thanks to a new hard drive (thanks Mom and Dad!) and to David, who installed the new drive and everything else that makes this work! I am eternally grateful! And I forgot how fast a computer is supposed to be - I guess I was just so used to it being slow and then dying....and then being totally dead. So yeah, I am super excited. :)

And it is the weekend....finally....although I have no plans for this weekend, it will be good. And I really don't have much homework, so I don't know what I am going to do. I know - be on my computer. :)

another beautiful day :)

today is beautiful, just like yesterday was. :) and that makes me happy.

yesterday i actually went to the library and did work for hours on end - not something of which i try to make a habit. :) actually, all the work i did in there could have been done on my computer had it not been broken. but good news with that too! last night i ordered a new hard drive online, so in a week or so i should be up and running with my computer! david is going to install the new hard drive and whatever software i need, for which i am eternally grateful. i cannot wait to have my lifeline back!!!

tonight is american idol, a highlight of my week. i hope tonight is a good night - sometimes it really isn't - some of the themes are pretty lame. but i still watch it and talk about it anyways. :) more comments on that after tonight.

so busy....

ok, so life isn't as traumatic as i make it out to be. yeah, there are definately things that are stressing me out, but there are also the little things that help me wade through the tough times. i will make a list just to remind myself and you, the reader, of how blessed i am - sometimes i just need a little reminder.

- Jesus loves me and saves me
- Furman is the most beautiful place in the spring
- the Lord is providing for me to be at Furman
- I got into the Italy foreign study trip for next winter :) :) :) :)
- my friends are always there for me
- my family is always there for me
- I talked to Necole for a long time today :)
- 5 weeks until I go home
- even though my computer is dead, I can go to the library to get online
- my life isn't over, even though I can't be on AIM all the time :)
- my apartment situation for next year is secure and complete
- I have decided on my major(s) (religion and communication studies)
- 5 weeks until I go home (yes, I know, I really like this one)
- my friends really are amazing (I really like having a few close friends that really know me rather than a zillion aquaintances, and God has blessed me with several close friends. you know who you are.) :)
- God has granted me breath for this day

i really am ok today. last night was just tough. and i was feeling a bit dramatic. ha, yeah that happens frequently. though nothing has changed, my attitude is a bit better this morning. maybe that's because it is friday and was sunny when i got up. hopefully today will be a better day.

i am so overwhelmed, i don't even know where to start. i can't go into details, but let's just say that sometimes (like right now), i don't see a way out of this mess. and my emotions have gone haywire. i am so confused and frustrated and worried.

but i will be ok, i know it. God is in control, i just sometimes (again, like now), tend to forget.

back at Furman!

So I am back at Furman (we got back last night). And it was hot!! I was so surprised when it was about 9 pm and I didn't need any sort of jacket or even a long-sleeved shirt. I love it. :) So this term is just about over - today in HES I counted how many days we have left, and we have just about 40-something, including the weekends!!! Can you believe it?! I am 6 weeks out from being halfway done with college!!! Where has the time gone? I just got here - I can't believe how fast 2 years have flown by! So much has happened, I don't even know what to think about it. I love my friends. :) And God. :) And sunshine. :) And naps. :) And American Idol. :) And lots more, but that's all for now.

Happy Easter!

This is such a day of celebration - He is risen!!! Be sure to remember how amazing Jesus is!!!

So I am in Louisville, KY, with Whitney and her family. Their house is so cool - it is over 100 years old! I have had a great time here - I am so grateful for how hospitable and warm her family has been. It's hard not being home for Easter, but being here has felt like a sort of home. And I have gotten some much needed rest, not just sleep, but just time away from everything. SO good. I did get a bit of a sunburn at Will's lacrosse game yesterday, but not too bad - some color for my pale white skin, so that is also good. Tuesday I have to give a 10-min speech that I haven't finished writing, so that will be fun to do tomorrow night when we get back to Furman. I really don't want to work for another month and a half. Ugh. I want summer to be here now. Sort of. I am torn, as always. But I am grateful for the warm weather - I love spring!!! Ok, I can think of nothing more to say for now.

lessons learned

i was listening to the carrie underwood cd at work today, and i thoroughly enjoyed it. good job america, for choosing a good singer last american idol season. anyways, one song in particular i really enjoyed. i thought i would post it, the lyrics are quite powerful, at least i thought so. when you get the chance, read through them and really think about them. hope everyone is having a great day! one more day and easter break!!!! :)

"Lessons Learned"

There’s some things that I regret
Some words I wish had gone unsaid
Some starts that had some better endings
Been some bad times I ’ve been through
Damage I could not undo
Some things I wish I could do all all over again
But it don’t really matter
When life gets that much harder
It makes you that much stronger, oh
Some pages turned, some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned

From every tear that had to fall from my eyes
From every day I wondered how I’d get through the night
From every change life has thrown me
I’m thankful for every break in my heart
I’m grateful for every scar
Some pages turned, some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned

There’s mistakes that I have made
Some chances I just threw away
Some roads I never should’ve taken
Been some signs I didn’t see
Hearts that I hurt needlessly
Some wounds that I wish I could have one more chance to mend
But it don’t make no difference
The past can’t be re-written
You get the life you’re given, oh
Some pages turned, some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned

From every tear that had to fall from my eyes
From every day I wondered how I’d get through the night
From every change life has thrown me
I’m thankful for every breath in my heart
I’m grateful for every scar
Some pages turned, some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned

And all the things that break you
Are all the things that make you strong
You can’t change the past coz it’s gone
And you gotta just move on
It’s all lessons learned

Bridge with new changes:
and all the things that break you
Are all the things that make you strong
You can’t change the past cuz it’s gone
You just gotta move on
Because it’s all lessons learned

yay!!! my computer is working! after my last post it died again, so i took it to the computer store tonight and of course, it worked for the technician. he made a few adjustments, but overall, nothing was wrong. i was like, ok, computer, this is your chance to shine and show what weird things you can do. but no, it was ok. he took off the back of the computer and looked at the ram, and there was a big clump of dust in there, so he took the air thing and blew that out. and he blew some dust out of the fan too - maybe that will help. seriously, the clump of dust was huge, so that could be it. haha, me and all my computer knowledge :) yes, i am going to blame the dust for now.

on a more serious note, i read through my high school journal yesterday. wow. i cannot believe some of the stuff that is in there. i cannot believe what i thought and had the audacity to write down!!! but it made me think about where i was then and where i am now, as a person, not just geographically. i am grateful to see how the Lord has changed me, and i know that i will look back in 4 more years and say the same thing about now. it also helped me gain perspective on my current circumstances. i get so emotional and blow things way out of proportion, and when i read how things were such huge deals back then, and i realize how insignificant they really were, it helps me not worry so much about what problems i have now. things that i stress about really aren't that big of a deal in comparison to things like the war and poverty and world hunger. but i am not going to lie, my journal is quite funny to read. :) my life sounds so dramatic and every little thing in life revolved around me. well, that really hasn't changed that much, sadly. but hey, now i can acknowledge that and hopefully work on it, right?

two more days and then easter break - i can't wait!!! i just have to write my 10 minute speech, and then i won't have any stress. yeah right. but spring is beautiful and i am for the most part, content. God is good. :)

computer....alive....sort of....

so my computer successfully turned on today for the first time in about a week. yay! but i won't hold my breath that it is ok now. i found one good thing about not having a computer 24/7 is that when i look to entertain myself, i write in my journal more, so i have caught up on my journaling that i had really slacked off in. so again, i wont be writing quite as much in here as i keep up with my personal, not public, journal.

this weekend has been difficult for me emotionally for a variety of reasons. i am ready for a break, and i am looking forward to going home with whitney for easter. yes, i do really want to go home, but i have a feeling that the time spent with whitney and her family will also be therapeutic.

i have also recently learned that i shouldn't write on here whatever fluctuating emotions i am experiencing, because they can give the wrong impression. so far i dont think i have done that, but i have definately experienced it and would hate to put anyone through the emotional turmoil that arises through reading about other people's fluctuating emotions. ok, that was sort of confusing. oh well.

four more days and then a break. hold on! it will fly by - it always does, whether or not i want it to.... i just need some time to breathe.....

just to let you all know, my computer is dead, so i won't be posting for a while until i get it fixed. :( i am very sad - i didn't realize how much time i spent on the computer until now i don't have it. i have a lot more free time. :) ok, no, i'm not really happy about it.

so, that's it for a while.

OMG

yes indeed - this is kaylah and michael buble!!! last night she and deborah were in the 7th row at his concert in denver! and when he ran through the crowd, he stopped to take a picture with her!!! can you believe it?!!? i love it!!! i am so jealous! but she loves him more, so i guess it is only fair. :)

and it is finally warm here. yay for spring in south carolina!! i actually have work to do this afternoon, so this is all for now - i just wanted to share some buble joy!!!

i guess this is life. thankfully it is a beautiful day. my attitude is better today, though i don't really feel that much of a change in my circumstances - i guess that is what God does, changes my heart even if He doesn't change life around me. thank you God. :) and i am not being sarcastic - i know that i would not be able to feel so ok if i was not aware of Him and how He has everything under control. God is good.

p.s. i still want to go home.

p.s.s. i hope my family reads this.

p.s.s.s. I WANT TO GO SEE MICHAEL BUBLE!!!!! :)

i am worn out. i want to go home. i don't want to deal with everything that i know i have to deal with. i am not old enough to have such weighty issues on my mind. i am not old enough to be having the conversations i have experienced as of late. i just want to go home and lay in my bed and see my mom and see my dog. i miss snooky. i want to run and hide from my problems - but mom reminded me tonight that if i don't learn communication and how to deal with certain issues in life that i have to deal with, then i will never grow. but growing hurts so much. i know that the Lord is changing me and teaching me a lesson (i don't know what it is yet) and i want Him to change me, i asked for it, but now that He is calling me to become a better person and learn a lesson, i don't want to. i hate change, but apparently it is inevitable.

p.s. i am really grateful for the friends that i have - especially when i have been so emotionally unstable the past while. i hate that i have been so emotional, but i am grateful that you are there to listen. it helps more than you can know. :)

ok, enough of my emotions. but i really really really want to go home. and see necole! :)

back to reality.

i am so ready for the work to be over. and it would help my heart so much if it would get sunny!!! i don't know what i am going to be doing this summer, but i am ready for it. whatever it is, it will be better than homework and the day in and day out of class. ugh.

pi kapp formal with andrew was this weekend - soooo much fun! i was so grateful for the getaway from furman and all that furman includes. perhaps some pictures when i feel like uploading them...

and to say the least, this past week has been an emotional roller coaster for me. again, the weekend was a welcome relief from it all. but now i am back in reality, even though at times it seems so hard to believe that what is my reality now could have ever happened. and even though i want it to be sunny, i am sort of glad that today is gross to match my mood. sometimes i like wallowing in my bad moods/emotions. so i am going to go take a nap, and continue on with my gloomy attitude.

it is hot here. period. and i wish they would turn the heat off!!!! our hall is roasting. and it makes me sweat and get tired...no good. but i guess i shouldn't complain about it - at home it was 37 degrees while it was 81 here. i am grateful for the sunshine and the flowers. :) i love spring term.

p.s. i gave my first mini-speech in communications class and i did ok. whew! i am so glad that first one is over! now i am not half as nervous as i was at first.

p.p.s. (or p.s.s., whatever it is) this weekend was really fun, and i am looking forward to next weekend too!!!

i am already tired of my schedule. and public speaking is scaring the crap out of me. seriously, i don't know why i signed up for this class. i have to give a speech tomorrow....already!!! ok, i have to go to class. ugh, i wish my mom could give my speech for me.

back at FU!

So I am back at Furman! And we had classes today - yay! No, not too excited, but I am here to learn, so I am sort of happy. I am taking Health and Exercise Science 10 (glorified gym class), Communications 20 (public speaking) and Religion 40 (history of Christianity). HES I think will be easy and ok, but we all know how much I love gym....not!! I am sort of nervous about public speaking - i haven't met my professor yet because he wasn't in class today. But the syllabus was pretty intimidating. We have to give 3 10-minute speeches, each worth 20% of our grade! No pressure!!! :) Religion I think I am going to enjoy. It is Mondays and Wednesdays from 1-3, and it will probably seem really long, but the students in the class are great. I know a lot of people in there and like most of them. :) I am excited about the topic as well. I am such a nerd. :) Oh!!! And I have to write a 12-15 page term paper!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! That is SOOO long! I haven't ever written that long of a research paper - heck, I don't know if I have even ever written a full-out research paper. So that will be a challenge the end of this term. In other news about this term, spring is beautiful here at Furman! The daffodils are already blooming and it is nice and warm. Beach weekend is this term, and that is guaranteed to be fun. Easter break, yep, that will be nice. I don't know where I will be going, but I figure it out by then. Oh yeah! I forgot to mention that I am going to the Pi Kapp formal with Andrew in a few weekends!!!! I am super excited!!! It is in Charleston and will be SO fun!!! I love getting dressed up and all that. :) Well, I think that is all the exciting news I can think of for now.

colorado

Ok, Colorado is the most beautiful state. Ever. I decided. At least Pike's Peak is breathtaking with the snow on it. Here are some pics I took this break. Feel free to comment on the stunning beauty of my home state. :)

Love Has A Hold On Me

I have found a perfect mystery
Love has a hold on me
Long before my life had come to be
Love had a hold on me
Love has a hold on me

Where do I come from
Where does life mean
Is it not to know the one who made me

As I’m looking down the road ahead
Love has a hold on me
Someday when I breathe my dying breath
Love has a hold on me
Love has a hold on me

Where will I go
When this life is through
Back into the light that made me and you

Love has a hold on me
Something opened up my eyes to see
Love has a hold on me
Love has a hold on me

I don’t have answers to all the questions
Running inside of my mind
But I can’t help believe that
Understanding comes in time

Love has a hold on me
Something opened up my eyes to see
Love has a hold on me
Love has a hold on me

If I run, if I hide, I know inside
Your love has a hold on me
Tell me yes, tell me no, my heart will follow
Your love has a hold on me

If I run, if I hide
Your love has a hold on me
Your love has a hold on me
Your love has a hold on me
Hold on me




Thank you Amy Grant for singing this song. It says everything my heart has been trying to say.